Lost in Txtlation

These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

Category: Poetry

A mixture of my brain and yours.

You woke the morning up
Running off the darkest night
The longest fight I’ve seen
Here goes a chance I know
Cashing in on all my chips

These days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of your ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And your light, found my bottle in the night
Gave me second life, kept me in this fight

And I won’t back down
I won’t turn around and around
And I won’t back down
Doesn’t matter what comes crashing down
I’m still gonna stand on solid ground

You found me once and for all
I laid it down in the sinking ground
The hopeless undertow
Singing out the gentle sound
Rattling through my smoking screens
My broken dreams last night

These days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of your ways, a little bit stronger than the past.

Hallelujah ripped through my veins
I heard the hammer drop
My blood in the rain

Hallelujah came like a train
When all is lost
All is left to gain

I had to share this – “Hands”

Someone close to me wrote this the other day, and I just love it, wanted to share it.

Something stirring slowly inside a hollow place
Deeply blue and remarkably effervescent
Sparking right past all those carefully laid stepping stones
This is something passionate and powerful and free
It charms its way through disaster and skips gleefully into the unknown
Smiling all the way even
Nothing soft and sensitive about it
It’ll burn every set of fingerprints it comes across
Leaving the forbidden scent of burnt up carefulness
It throws all caution to the wind
Inhales every touch of his mouth, every twitch of his hands
This jumpy electric pulse tangles itself up in any logic there was to have
Fries it lifeless and plants solid gold Bravery instead
Bursting trees of pure Inhibition dig their roots deeply into place
Never wavering and only pausing to deposit new branches
New branches to overtake all Caution and Uncertainty and Silence
Bright screaming Blue shooting through my veins
Willing me forward, forward, forward
No turning away from it either
No fighting it back or beating it down
Like an avalanche of too tight rubber bands
All of them snapping and flying into sixty different directions
Every flare of energy gathering in the bottom of my rapidly accelerating pulse
Now my whole frame trembles with every counted beat
Accumulating, building, gathering
Brand new splashes of color rearing their heads with every stolen glance
I am nothing to stop it, too caught up in this heart attack of Revolution
Boldly squashing every last promise I ever made to never do this or that
This wondrous chaotic electronic free fall into what can only be best described as my own personal
Nirvana

The perfect explanation

Its funny I was going to write this whole thing but ended up talking about it instead. i just found this again and realized, as it is it was perfect for how the feelings were..

What do you inspire me to write?

I could write about the way your lips feel different than anyone elses before.

I could write about your eyes or your hair or just your smallest smirks and sniffles.

But then I could write about how I feel like I have been damaged.

Driving home it was strange I looked back at my most recent relationship and realized I

didn’t know what I wanted as much as I …

I like you
Scared.

We are walls..

We are walls, we’re watching you with out eyes…

We are walls, we’re watching you give in…

We are walls, we protect you from what’s outside…

We are walls, we’re watching you with out eyes…

If you cry, we can hear…

It’s your tears that won’t appear…

If you yell we will hold,

If you fall we won’t know…

We are walls.

Hold your fists way up high,

scream and shout jump and cry…

Lets us know you gave in,

Let it out we’ll hold it in.

We are walls, we’re watching you with out eyes…

We are walls, we’re watching you give in…

We are walls, we protect you from what’s outside…

We are walls, we’re watching you with out eyes…

You fall to your knees…

You lift your head to me…

Your eyes emotions bleed,

The blood dripping with need.

We are walls, we’re watching you with out eyes…

We are walls, we’re watching you give in…

We are walls, we protect you from what’s outside…

We are walls, we’re watching you with out eyes…

Reads like a song, sections in with poetry.. not sure yet.. prolly not done either.

Starting New… but with the past as a building block for me and you.

Starring straight up…
A moon so bright shines down on me.
Squinting as it glares through my glass spectacles.
A brisk air is gently passing over my uncovered body as I walk…
A straight line…
Above me hang natures green silhouettes of life.
Perhaps they will push down and touch me.
Perhaps not.
A few more hours until a new step is taken.
Although as I walk I take many.
If anything, as straight as I am walking this is not the same path I saw in the daylight.
The ground is colder,
The walls are lighter,
The trees darker,
The leaves creating a labyrinth like entrance…
Barely able to make out anything other than the gently lit house, mustang in the driveway.
A new sound in my ears.
Ahh music…
Without it, I would be lost.
So, while walking this metaphorical path down a street still new to me…
I think, and realize…
Continue reading

Today I felt it the most.

Today I felt it the most.
Today my stomach hurt.
Today I missed the comforts of a bath.
Continue reading

LFG – Looking For Girl

If you are ever interested LFG to sit under trees and stare at the sky,
LFG to sit in the sun and only feel each others warmth,
LFG to kiss past their lips and to their mind,
LFG to spend time;
Through server crashes and unknown disconnects,
Able to do it again and again,
Each time a different rollback.

So if you’re interested.. PST me.

Although we may have had a noggenfogger potion used when jumping from the top of Ironforge,
We both landed at an unfamiliar flight point.
But able to use our now cooled down hearthstones to return.
And with that in mind I can say with confidence LFG.

So before I let you go off to another group,
And get saved to their raid timer,
I figured I would let you know LFG,
One spot left,
Healers preferred (LOL)
Nah, its cool, you can be a rogue too, but hey this isn’t that kind of blurb.

Just make sure you are ok with a wipe or two and have enough gold for repairs.
I know my armor is a little broken from time and I see yours is worn as well.
The cool part is this instance won’t reset in a week,
We can take our time clearing the trash mobs till we feel comfortable to take on the elites.

Triggers A memory all memories maybe this will help – deeper more personal my poem. (yes this is the title)

The latest triggers,
The simple clicks,
Sometimes it takes a harder pull than the other…

A past which is blurred,
Seems to me,
To be
Just to be

If I had the answer, would I use it?
If I had the reason, would I care?
If I had the time, would it matter?

So the newest series of riddles begin,
But this time sparking a new memory.
A memory, which was pushed from my mind, faster than it entered,
But

The latest triggers,
The simple clicks,
And BANG it hits.

Cold tile walls,
Sliding rug under my formal wear
Rustling outside from the scare
But what pissed me off was it wasn’t to care.

If I had a sword I would have been swinging it wildly,
Instead my arms, well arm,
Protected me from the people,

Almost like trying to fight off raindrops in without an umbrella.

Funny a reference to rain as I splashed the water.
Funny a reference to arms as I held her closer.

3 minutes up, 30 seconds out.
Breathing, aware.
Throwing up, passed out.

I was graduating, why did I need this under my belt.
I stayed away from such things,
Protected myself.

But now it was obvious who would care.
Now it was obvious from their blank stares,
Not a clue in the world,
Not an idea in their minds,
Probably just the fact of intoxication,
Well, sounds trite, but blinds.

But wait it wasn’t as I say, not right away,
First it was a lesson in how to raise a child,
Holding their vomit, carrying their pride.

So it seemed, while they slept that it would soon be over,
Even while sober, made it enough to feel under the weather.
Smells, triggers, click.

So I was the mentor, I was the adult.
But inside I was the child, the one who wanted to bolt,
Run from my skin and hide in another,
Run from my mind and feel nothing other.

But it was, He knows how panic attacks work
He knows what he they can do
Tristan the savior, in your eyes?
Or to who?
Tristan was saving, but lost inside.
Tristan was saving, but never craved his bed so much more.

So, 5 minutes release as we thought it was over,
Then I hear, Tristan get over here,
I came running over.

I felt her skin,
My hand under her nose,
There was no air, no breath, my heart froze.

I trusted who was holding her tight,
Throwing that water to wake her up,
Right?

I ran outside, called the 3 numbers.
I said here,
They said hold.

I called her family,
I called her friends.

I all of a sudden had a million people depend.
Not on the world, or the things we do,
But on the next actions,
On what I, me, myself would pursue.

A responsibility, I never knew.
But it was me who was now back where I started,
The tiles were cold,
This lifeless heart beats departed.

“Wake the fuck up”, I screamed in tears,
“Wake the fuck up, don’t leave me here.”

You would picture a movie or so you would think,
But it was worse, I felt as though screaming drew unwanted attention to me.
Her life in my arms
A life at all
A voice of reason said, don’t hold so much, give her air, let her go..
I let up a bit, but kept the water flowing, I yelled and continued,
God damn it, it was the never ending beginning.

If you take the bone from the dog,
He will be upset.
If you take the pray from a lion they will bite.
If you took the life in my arms,
I would have killed.

Sirens sounded,
Children scattered,
Safe?
Sound?

6 am, call.
Mom, I am going to be late to the funeral,
My friend is in the hospital.

Mom, You better be here

I stayed till every last second.
Changed the sheets,
Kept her safe.

Sitting in a hospital,
The place I fear,
Waiting with no control,
Just the ability to see her safe, eyes tired yet crystal clear.

Taxi ride home,
Shower quick
5 minutes to spare
5 hours later, let Mom and my Stepfather down.

Walked the bus route,
Looked like death,
The impression was,
I was the dying breath.

But it hurt me,
Scared me,
Took part of my soul,
I took it,
Closed it,
Let it go
By go, I must mean deeper and deeper into my eyes,
Clouding to dark, so not to surprise the people around me, but me instead,
After all, the clouds are in my head.

So today, I felt it,
Knew it well.
Today I remembered the night from hell.

I was angry,
Still angry,
Why did you do it?

Did you care,
Would you care?
Will you remember, or lose it.

We are close,
But so far,
I can’t be your father.
I can’t be everyone’s father!
A statement from anger,
A statement from my past.

I want the best,
I gave my all,
Fight or flight,
I chose not to fall.
I picked up my fists and swung without remorse,
But I was hitting myself,
And thus today:
Screaming inside.
Too much.
So hoarse.

I wonder if this is how I did it when younger,
I wonder if these triggers are deep down under.
I hope I can hold the gun and aim it right, because,
Just like today,
I may pull that lever,
In a darkened, black, blinded night.
And if I shoot and hit a wall,
Will I be emoting myself or is it as simple as,
If a tree falls in a forest,
Does it make a sound if no one is there to see it fall?

Throughout this message I took a moment,
Throughout this poem, I gathered a thought.

All in all, it is past and today is now.
But sometimes and forever,
Yesterday, I will see.

A step,
Good intentioned,
And for me.

Teknol O G

In life you are given words…
With words you are able to give meaning…
With meaning you discover life…

A pencil can capture an emotion…
A keyboard can make it clear…
But not through emotion, just through legibility…

So you ask,
In this life,
In this world,

Do we express an emotion?
Or should it all be clear?

First Impressions

First impressions.
They seem to be harder these days.
See these words?
Of course, you and I both have eyes.
But can you actually read them?
Probably.
But that is where it is lost.
Lost in translation to say the least.
I have a very thick top layer.
And I will give you it.
It is the deeper layers that you will have to try for.
But by the time you absorb the first, will you be gone?
Perhaps…
Especially with each encounter being like this.
A simple word here and there…
Signed on
Signed off
Not a way to be me.
It’s like a mirror.
You see yourself,
But take that mirror and photograph it.
Not the same.
But if you keep the image in your mind from the mirror,
Go out and exchange your image with others…
Then you are you and they see…
You can be…
No image…
No commercial…
No buddy icon…
No logging off…
No Afk…
No abbreviation for this encounter…
Just raw truth,
Which is a hump itself…
As you will now have to absorb me.
Through my eyes I see the world,
Through yours can you see mine?

The Perfect Stone

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