I have said it out loud a lot lately about going to a bar in say Orange County and then a bar in New York City. The difference to me is the way that our days go in the different areas. To live in NYC feels to me like it is a privilege, because it is damn expensive. You are either a college student, aspiring to be something, or have a great job allowing you to be there. Either way you have a huge personal drive and ambition, or the city eats you up and you don’t always land on your feet when it spits you out. Doesn’t mean the other types of people don’t exist but what I am getting at is the idea that if you walk around you end up being inspired by those around you. You have engaging conversations, you have less bullshit layers to pull apart, and things seem a little more in your face. I suppose that could be because your day is so intense you go out to be yourself and enjoy, not try to make up a story that doesn’t exist in a mediocre day. Instead of going to wind up you go to wind down. And from those random meetings in the loneliest city on the earth you bring away a wealth of brain candy.
Lately I have felt a very deep pit in my stomach when I go to sleep. I feel very alone, and I think about those people I have had interest in or who you would call when you are feeling the need for affection and the problem is, I don’t see anything satisfactory coming from any of them.
That sounds terrible so let me try to explain this better. I suppose, in the last few months I have undergone some serious transformations and continue to embark on them. From my job to my personal hobbies to my emotional state to my physical state. It is actually amazing how polar opposite every aspect of my lifes journeys are right now and the people in it as well. It is like having multiple personalities but I don’t change just the people around me depending on what time of day.