Life is often a rush to the finish.
It seems strange that with no finish in sight or no knowledge of that finish we still strive to get there.
I feel some points in my life have been rushed. I moved out first year of college and never looked back. I moved directly into an apartment rather than experiencing dorm life.
I then moved back home for half a year before I jumped into my current job. That part always strikes me strange, as much as moving back home was like a way to catch up on those summers I missed with my mom and dad, spent in my NYC apartment, it was more of a simple knowledge that I still liked my freedom and probably wouldn’t want to have done it differently.
But when I went into my job it made less sense. When you graduate college it seems you are immediately expected to look for jobs and jump into life. But sometimes I wonder if we are ready to jump into life. Because of the knowledge that a job is mandatory and it is accepted as an accomplishment if you are “working” after college be it a job of love or a job for money, it is easier to get lost in the race to achieve rather than to stand back and instigate.
I find myself in moments of clarity here and there, this being an extreme one. I could compare it to vicodin as my senses are acute yet blunt objects, the sharpness taken away so not to cut but to still allow force to be taken. An experience this weekend allowed my brain to release something or another that has let me have a little bit of time just to sit in my chair and hear the sounds around me, put my leg up on an arm of the chair and just sit, picturing where I am.
I strive to have more moments like this. To live my life calm. To feel a control over my next move, not from power but from comfort. I strive to push myself every day, but I strive to find a way to do so in which I am breathing and feeling. I think I am in the right direction, and hopefully this blog entry will keep it in my head when I forget.
Oh yeah did I mention day 10?