It is hard to really explain the situation. Boy meets girl, girl and boy become close in a matter of seconds, various life timelines and people involved become walls impenetrable for reasons that make them stronger suited to be together. But those values, morals, outlooks on life, cause them to be unable to be together unless they are completely together, which makes their personalities match even more. A situation that sounds like many movies beginnings, endings, and plots, all in a discernable order, if placed in any type of book would be un-readable. Yet to the people involved it becomes painfully clear that it is either black or white. On one hand there is a mutual respect for one another, and then a selfishness on both ends in order to continue with their lives without one another in order to not feel what was so clear if it were not for the time it happened or others involved. Wondering if the feelings are mutual yet knowing they must be due to words that were exchanged on both ends, and the way the personalities line up. The pain caused from only a few days of interaction abruptly ended by distance. The pain not caused by either of the people but by the simple and complex ideal of one another. The music that plays in my head like a movie even after a simple reunion. A reunion not tainted by any expectations. A reunion as friends with a selfish glimmer of hope for something believed to be great. Trying to explain to others about the way this person changed your outlook on what is really out there for you, and having others tell you it probably isn’t true. Yet knowing in your heart that there is something “soul” mated about it. Perhaps you contend that it was a reason not for a matrimony but for an ability to see more than what you had set your expectations to believe in. Yet then having time, the one factor that we all curiously wait for, actually lead the story in the direction of a bitter sweat, ending that could turn into the beginning… That to me is the strangest part. The fact that that simple glimmer of what could be, even after pushed aside, and let to be part of memories, and reasoning, for some reason came back into light, by a chance encounter with semi effort on both ends. A pain once again felt, a feeling of hope lingering on every word, an attempt to enjoy every moment and syllable of thought, yet still clouded by the hurt it could entail if one became too invested in a possibility. A pain as described above as being caused by small bits of moment. An uncertainty, but a very willing yearn to chase to the entrance of the plane before it boards. A wonder of the strength of the other side of their life, and how fitting into it will effect the outcome. If the energy simplified before words or writing, just from smiles can and has effected them in such a way that there is no such idea as rebound. I don’t seem to have that in my vocabulary of life, I have my life and my ability to move on when needed. Of course I get caught in the mistakes of seeing smaller things as grand gestures when I am used to them not existing, but the hope that if it were to be united the strength in both people would be able to over come that and start something new. It is hard to explain other than a gut feeling, and when I see time playing into that feeling, you wonder about fate. Knowing that perhaps the pain you could subject yourself to by losing this thing is real, is the reason to pursue it in the first place. To feel true heartbreak not by distance or loss, but by time taking each other away. But what if you never were able to have that heartbreak because time played a trick on you and it was just a moment of weakness in seconds, the batteries running low. What if the heartache is never achieved but given instead and unable to choose to take it, unable to open armed accept it. It seems like time is speedily deciding with this, yet still I am afraid to once again trust time and set aside and consume myself with work and life outside of that moment that could potentially shape a huge part of my life. So I will make this small effort to rationalize the irrational, and signify to you the possible outcome without of course moving into the future. Just so you know when the future becomes the present, which seems like it will be soon, I can spare that second to assess how to synchronize watches, and if time is willing, do so happily and without a thought other than excitement for exploration.
Hard to explain, easy to write.
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