“The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting.
Stage 1 is the conspiracy of silence. This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. This illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy ‘ooh did you fart?’ followed by the sheepish admission of truth. This heralds a period of deeper intimacy, a period I like to call the “fart honeymoon”, where both parties find each other’s gas just the cutest thing in the world. But of course no honeymoon can last forever. And so we reach the critical fork in the fart. Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass, thereby signifying true love or else, it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formly beloved.”

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