The Random Musings of My Last Few Weeks, in no particular order…

I feel like today’s technology is allowing our self conscious self to prevail. It allows us to hide in a world of news bites, fast txts, and never really stray from the people who bump into us in life that are not in front of us. You would think technology would open you up to the world, but in turn it just closes us down into a smaller path and region.

I had recently signed up for a dating site and there was a character limit of 1000. You would think, MORE than enough to answer a question, but for me I saw it as if a teacher just told me I had to write a paper that was 100 words and it seemed impossible, but obviously I saw it impossible in the opposite idea that 1000 was too little.

I guess when someone asks you a question like how did you get your job, you should have a formulaic way to say it. But the mystery of my thought is I never really say the same thing twice. I always respected comedians because they can go up and spout jokes without interaction. For me I would need to walk into a room, talk to the people for a little, then get on stage and have an open comedic routine where there was interaction to even make it past 5 minutes.

I rant, I joke, and I am sarcastic but I need the inspiration behind it to really feel passionate about it.

People often question my intentions when I write, or why I do it. I have yet to be able to answer this one, but I do know it helps me, not them, to remember what I was thinking at a certain time. Maybe little cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

I will write into my writing moments where it is not cryptic and I want the reader to get it but I go in and out of foreign language often. Perhaps it is easy to understand the words, but only I get the colored painting of it.

Everyone of my last relationships has ended because “love” was enough for them. “Love” is the beginning of opening up the rest of your life. It lifts the weight of trying to find the unattainable life goal so you can do other things magical with the love, the person you have found, and your life in general. It is not the end. I mean if you became rich you wouldn’t think of it as the end you would think of it as the beginning of a lot of new cool shit.

But how does one expect to love if they shrug off someone’s explanation of their day as a daily routine and never interact. You cannot JUST BE and FEEL, because eventually there is nothing to FEEL or BE.

Why can’t people adapt the European culture for its good parts and be able to actually BE with someone, to actually INTERACT, not shit useless info at each other hoping it sticks, but not caring if it doesn’t. I mean even the personal space boundaries there are different than here. Someone will sit right next to you past your personal space buffer and listen to you speak and speak within that bubble as well. And no one thinks twice. Relationships have more room to grow when you take down the amount of room you need to be comfortable. It is natural to want all the answers and know about another person. But we hold a grudge if someone tries too soon. Why must there be a time limit on it.

Where there is love there is risk, and where there is risk there is selflessness, and where there is selflessness there is wisdom. I was told that I would eventually turn sour if I kept giving everything I had to people who were not right for me. Sure it may wear on me, but goddammmit I refuse to believe I have to be different in order to keep my self preservation alive, which is already in place, just in a different place than some people around me.

To me that is the most important thing to find in a significant other. Someone who understands the risks of telling all, yet they do it anyway, because risk can kiss their ass.

I believe knowing someone’s strengths is an insight to their weakness, and while we only have our own experiences to help guide people past them, we cannot expect what worked with us to work on anyone else. It is important to adapt your own experiences into guidance, otherwise you become the father and I become the rebelling child, wondering why you are so damn oldschool.

I remember when phones were cool because they were PHONES, not txt boxes to hide behind the idea of busy. When in reality if we want it, we make time. But instead, we put as little effort forward as possible and just take what comes to us and call it being patient.

But we all know we only give time for those things important to us. And in the end, BUSY only means what we want it to mean. Sure there is REAL busy, but there are ways to overcome it to still give some of yourself. I guess we can only hope that it is reciprocated as much, because sometimes it takes everything we have to give it.

I heard this the other day: “people suck, guys are pigs, girls are objects,” Why is it that when someone puts themselves out there and it doesn’t work, they then think.. hmmm let me post things that obviously are ridiculous statement because I am hurt… Why not just go in with the idea that hey this could work, and when it doesn’t you go hmmm, it didn’t work.. then BAM move to the next candidate. We hold too much of a grudge against ourselves for relationships. It is soooo important to give it your all every time. Would you NOT give it your all to become famous if you had the chance, or to win a million dollars? Why should love be any different? We wouldn’t say it is stupid to be rich if we didn’t get rich… We wouldn’t say it is stupid to be famous if we didn’t get famous… Break our own shells of self consciousness and enjoy the shit the world throws at us.

Then we have the idea that guys are making girls stupid:
Guys feed into girls being slutty bitches
and so girls go
“ooo guys like this”
and then guys goo
“oo girls like when im an asshole”
and then girls go
“wait I don’t like assholes”
then guys go
“wtf you said you wanted an asshole”
and then girl continues to be a slut but leaves guy a and so guy a looks for girl b to be an asshole to
until the cycle repeats
thus dumbing down the population

Then I have noticed, the people who seem to know themselves soo well, through self exploration and development, who tell you immediately, WHO THEY ARE, usually are the furthest thing from that in reality. Is it because it is so easy to be this bit of information on the internet we assume we are what we are blogged as? So we forget in reality perhaps we need want and are something different.

I am not happy with this one but am posting it anyway because I am “enter” happy.

P.S. I love singing to myself in the shower. The echo keeps me calm… I dunno it is my thing… Oh and I love baths.

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