I signed up for Match.com the other day, because I was interested in seeing the difference between the responses I got when I was heavier and now. Where did that come from? Well it kinda stems from how I began to write this in the start. I sent this message to someone today:

“Btw, when we see each other I totally understand the idea that life isn’t always good answers or answers in general. So wherever you are in yours understand I’m still searching for mine too. I just think you are an interesting enough person to share even the strange confusing days with. If that makes sense, I just got that sense from our attempts to get together. Your status updates and how with my move back I feel similar from the little I can gather from a facebook post. Not to mention I have been obsessing over my physical state since I changed it a bunch since we last saw each other. but the more I thought about it, the more I realize the more prepared we go into seeing each other the less likely it is to be real for either of us.”

To this the response was sincere. I say this in regards to my match.com profile because, as the NYTimes has now reported, a phone call as is now considered a breach of etiquette to those who are not really close.

“Americans are talking less on their cellphones. When they do talk, the conversations are shorter, according to industry data. Partly, this reflects the shift in use of cellphones more as mobile computers that communicate via written messages. But this also reflects a subtle shift in etiquette, experts say. People increasingly use text messages and e-mail to arrange telephone calls, which are reserved for more important, complicated dialogues. An unscheduled call from people other than family members, they say, is often regarded as a rude intrusion.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/weekinreview/22lohr.html

And I realized I was trying to portray that everything was OK on there and grab peoples attention through something witty or personal, and I was ready to give me in a nice sunlight to someone, when in reality, I just wanted to sit down and be able to talk real with this person about life and spark our brains as the night goes on. I guess it kinda makes sense, even if I am very old school in my interaction ways, to use every form of communication to really be honest and yourself regardless of how the outcome may be. And especially for someone like me that hates texting, to find that way to text in a way that gives off the vibe of how I will be when in person, instead of trying to be txt Tristan and In Person Tristan. More like how I write, explaining a situation rather than trying to live the situation through those medias. Because then the in person will follow.

I can’t say I believe in finding yourself before you can be happy with someone else. I think being able to find someone who is willing to work on finding someone else and finding themselves at the same time is healthy.  I mean an old teacher of mine said it could take a lifetime without success to truly find yourself, or soul search as he said. Well I don’t have that much time to do both.

So all of this is my journey so far. So “what are your plans?”.. simple it is to fight every day to figure it out and my mind is fighting back, but I feel strong.

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