Lost in Txtlation

These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

Tag: mouse

This feels like a movie… Perhaps I shouldn’t want it to.

To be in the relationship where you can compare it to a movie, I know I have felt it, experienced it.  But to reflect on the basics of a movie, you would assume perhaps this is not the “perfect” relationship at all. Perhaps if your relationship reminds you of a movie it is because you remember it like a movie, only savoring the exact edits. You pass the in between time with cuts. A slideshow of a period of time, pictures a day, with the proper filters on them to give them the film feel. Somehow even though the normal everyday life may be normal and not out of the ordinary, with the right color correction and depth of field you miss the world around anything that may seem perfect.  Instead of the feeling of bliss when your relationship turns into a movie, moment after moment, it should be a warning that you are only watching the highlights of a complete picture. I mean that is what a movie is comprised of, the perfect moments, good and bad, dramatized for the passing of time, or the emotion needed for portrayal of character.

A movie is easy to critique or judge, but ever decision every day, takes an open mind. One that can look past the personal opinions buried inside yourself. Yet at the same time it becomes a balance of your own opinion mixed with feelings depending on the sleep you had, what you ate, and that of the people around you. Life itself can often fall into a script like approach, revision after revision. The apprehension to improv alone stands in your way.

So perhaps it is a mastery only befitting of a surrounding in which there are no movies or editing techniques to compare to. A world based on the truth around you, not the truth you use to karmic-ly get through the day.  A place where your own perfection cannot exist because the only perfect is the days you spend living. Even this, as I write is influenced by the perceptions put forth around me, prideful or filled with humility.

So tonight I look forward thinking back upon the old relationships and moments in time I had where I thought things felt like a movie and realize, I probably don’t want a movie. If I only have fragments of time with years skipped in between due to the time constraints of an audience, I myself am not giving life itself enough care. My mind will then be unable to mature and reflect as well as see my steps I take ever breath of the day.

I cannot skip chapters in my life, because there is no rewind, but there is definitely a fade to black.

This feels like a movie… Perhaps I shouldn’t want it to.

To be in the relationship where you can compare it to a movie, I know I have felt it, experienced it.  But to reflect on the basics of a movie, you would assume perhaps this is not the “perfect” relationship at all. Perhaps if your relationship reminds you of a movie it is because you remember it like a movie, only savoring the exact edits. You pass the in between time with cuts. A slideshow of a period of time, pictures a day, with the proper filters on them to give them the film feel. Somehow even though the normal everyday life may be normal and not out of the ordinary, with the right color correction and depth of field you miss the world around anything that may seem perfect.  Instead of the feeling of bliss when your relationship turns into a movie, moment after moment, it should be a warning that you are only watching the highlights of a complete picture. I mean that is what a movie is comprised of, the perfect moments, good and bad, dramatized for the passing of time, or the emotion needed for portrayal of character.

A movie is easy to critique or judge, but ever decision every day, takes an open mind. One that can look past the personal opinions buried inside yourself. Yet at the same time it becomes a balance of your own opinion mixed with feelings depending on the sleep you had, what you ate, and that of the people around you. Life itself can often fall into a script like approach, revision after revision. The apprehension to improv alone stands in your way.

So perhaps it is a mastery only befitting of a surrounding in which there are no movies or editing techniques to compare to. A world based on the truth around you, not the truth you use to karmic-ly get through the day.  A place where your own perfection cannot exist because the only perfect is the days you spend living. Even this, as I write is influenced by the perceptions put forth around me, prideful or filled with humility.

So tonight I look forward thinking back upon the old relationships and moments in time I had where I thought things felt like a movie and realize, I probably don’t want a movie. If I only have fragments of time with years skipped in between due to the time constraints of an audience, I myself am not giving life itself enough care. My mind will then be unable to mature and reflect as well as see my steps I take ever breath of the day.

I cannot skip chapters in my life, because there is no rewind, but there is definitely a fade to black.

This feeling of the chase…

You can define love in many ways, from ideals to things you find exciting, to things that bring you comfort, or through endless notes on facebook, but there will always be something missing,

I believe I have a sense of what that is. It may be the string which ties all your thoughts and ideas together, slowly weaving through them, attaching them to one another. Not a mythical string, but a actual experience based string, actually traveling through your life and that of another, together, not through monologues or explanations, but through lunch, or a phone call, or the simple pleasures that come from running your nails along their arm as they rest their head onto your chest. For instance take what I have written about the idea of wanting those thoughtless high school nights back, to me that may actually be the material the string is made of and as you begin to knot that feeling of being 14 again around the ideas you have thought of or pictured in your mind. You begin to feel what it is like to get all the pieces of a very scattered puzzle to come together.

You chase the string like the chase of a relationship as it knits its way through all the different ideas, sometimes even missing and grabbing the ideas of the person you have met.

Sometimes we need to FEEL like we are teenagers again in the very basic sense, where our own age in our minds becomes that of a pubescent adolescent, which honestly, when do we NOT feel that anyway, we don’t age mentally as much as we think we do.. anyway I digress, if we apply that to what we know now and how we have grown, allowing us to actually enjoy the ride, what an awesome ride it can be.

Our own lives and inhibitions we have built up to protect ourselves and those around us from the society we are a part of can stop us from just living in a moment. We want we, we need, we feel blah blah. But whatever happened to just waiting till the next time you SEE the person. It is often missed with the millions of options we have these days to communicate and we fall in love with ideas written on paper, not applied interactions. I mean obviously, chase or no chase, I feel there is something very cool about just knowing the other person may be thinking of you and if not, there is no harm no foul. As a song lyric said the best,

“On my heart remains a trace
All that I seek is this moment
All day in my mind I recreate
If there was a way to get back
This feeling of the chase…”

So what does it mean? I dunno. All I know is it is nice to see some of the ideas I have written down and analyzed in my head making a little more sense, not as a plotted out plan, or as THIS IS HOW IT IS, and more of a left and right turn on a very windy road of intrigue. Cause they are moments I wrote down in my life when my brain thought to write it and not every bit of me, but smaller bits of who I think would be cool to be. But they never really had a shape, more of a giant pile of HOLY SHIT THAT IS A LOT OF “DEFINITE”, if anyone reads it as WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR, because holy shit that must come off as me asking to be married on day 1, when in actuality I am learning they were probably just experiences I was expressing from things I have seen, heard, experienced. It is the road through some of them that is exciting.

We are all unique people in our own way, and it is important to be able to figure out through interaction if we will ever be able to scratch the surface of the other person, because we all hold onto who we are strongly and it is hard to figure out if the other person: A. Will be able to figure you out, and B. Not invade our lives so we or they become more important than everything we have worked on to be the adult we have wanted to be since we were 7 and a “half” years old. So a balance between the childish feeling and the need to actually be an “adult”

So I plan on just driving the road like I did when I first got my license, FOR THE FUN OF IT, with no clear defined destination, racing down streets familiar, not afraid to get a lost every now and again, music blasting, windows open, cigarette blazing
.

This feeling of the chase…

You can define love in many ways, from ideals to things you find exciting, to things that bring you comfort, or through endless notes on facebook, but there will always be something missing, 

I believe I have a sense of what that is. It may be the string which ties all your thoughts and ideas together, slowly weaving through them, attaching them to one another. Not a mythical string, but a actual experience based string, actually traveling through your life and that of another, together, not through monologues or explanations, but through lunch, or a phone call, or the simple pleasures that come from running your nails along their arm as they rest their head onto your chest. For instance take what I have written about the idea of wanting those thoughtless high school nights back, to me that may actually be the material the string is made of and as you begin to knot that feeling of being 14 again around the ideas you have thought of or pictured in your mind. You begin to feel what it is like to get all the pieces of a very scattered puzzle to come together.

Continue reading

© 2020 Lost in Txtlation

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑