Lost in Txtlation

These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

Tag: fitspo

Guys bloat too…

Just wanted to let you girls know that guys bloat too. This week has been a fun week for that lol. ¬†It is usually protein/food related for us though, although with allergies and random colds going around who knows. But yeah it sucks and it needs to be over with now ūüôā

Anyone know a stretch for the Sternum?

My Sternum (between your breasts) gets very tight to the point where if I lean back and pull on my pecs I will literally pop it. 

I get this every time I do a ton of pushups. Can someone help me with a stretch that I can do here and there to keep it limber? Thanks!

NO EXCUSES

If we cut out all of our Social Networking browsing time from our day, we would end up with 1-3 hours of free time. WORKOUT.

Mark my words!!! Fitspo

Mark my words, the next generation of teens aren’t going to be writhing over not being thin enough, they are going to be complaining over not being fit enough.(ok maybe not that far lol) However, “Fit is the new Skinny” is going to make a massive move soon to pop culture. It is already becoming a “trend”. And when that happens, just wait for the shift in fashion, photography, clothing, marketing… MARK MY WORDS!!!!¬†

I don’t see a problem with it.

What I ate today, and why I don’t care. :)

I have heard a lot of people getting down on themselves for eating candy, chocolate, big meals etc with family over Easter Sunday or the holiday weekend in general… Well here is what I ate:

  1. Ravioli A LOT OF EM with a wonderful meat sauce
  2. Chocolate Eggs as many as my Uncle could toss my way.
  3. Jelly beans WAY more than a handful
  4. Great cheeses, meats, and appetizer foods
  5. Tons of Salad
  6. An egg italian pizza (you need to be italian to know it) 2 slices
  7. Desert (pie / cookies)
  8. Tea
Calories: Don’t care

Why I don’t care:

I know I didn’t eat this last week, I know I won’t eat this tomorrow. But today I enjoyed the day, the food, and the company. If you want to make this a life long journey you need to enjoy the journey along the way, and I did. Because I know tomorrow I will be working out. I know tomorrow I will be eating healthy and clean. I know tomorrow is not today. I know my body is working fast as it is due to the work I put into it before today.

So I may still have that back of the mind twinge of OH NOOOOO!!!!!! But It can go jump off a cliff because my logical brain knows better and tomorrow will be fine ūüôā

I hope you all indulged and enjoyed today as much as I did. Back at the grind tomorrow!

Progress Shots. My Sponge bob pants make this sexy. 

Progress Shots.

My Sponge bob pants make this sexy. 

Day 93, FINALLY a recovery week. My body needed it after 4 weeks of pounding it. I lay off the prote

Day 93, FINALLY a recovery week. My body needed it after 4 weeks of pounding it. I lay off the protein shakes and limit my diet a little bit during recovery weeks but not much. I want my body to heal as much as possible and it needs fuel to do that. I am soo happy with the results I have had so far. Here’s to another set of this for the summer push ūüôā

90 Days UPDATE

So I am very proud today. I have finished my first round of 90days of P90X/Insanity Hybrid, not only that but today marks the 90th day of no smoking! I wanted to post up the progress pictures. They go in order. I feel great. I didn’t put #’s I figured I would tell you here. I have gone from 170 to 159.8 and 17% Body Fat to 11 % . The amazing part of this is I stayed at 160 for majority of my time because I have put on a LOT of muscle from this program. The hiking helps and it helps the hikes. So all in all the Blitzkrieg on my health is going well. I want this to be a lifestyle a long term goal. Not just 90 days and up. I want to have a summer where I finally feel good about it. I always seem to get into shape for winter so this will be a nice change of pace. At this rate I have 3 months to get into even better shape for the beach ūüôā If you have any questions about my workout or diet feel free to ask. It isn’t super strict, but it is not easy either. But I feel good mentally and physically which is what matters.

Here was Day 1’s Blog entry:¬†http://lostintxtlation.tumblr.com/post/17275477857/blitzkrieg-on-my-health

This is about more than looking good, this is about my overall health. And it will continue to be.

Month 1

Month 2

Month 2-3

Month 3

Month 2-3 Top to Bottom

Month 1

Month 2

That sweat was from LEGS only today. So all of you who ignore legs, THINK AGAIN. The second picture

That sweat was from LEGS only today. So all of you who ignore legs, THINK AGAIN.

The second picture was me stretching haha.

Day 77 It is always the third month that yields the most physical change. Adding an intensive hike e

Day 77 It is always the third month that yields the most physical change. Adding an intensive hike e

A self confrontation of a shadow turned nighttime

P.S. (I know I am doing it wrong haha) This song was on repeat while writing this:¬†http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmCn9W7M7CQ¬†or spotify:¬†Ingrid Michaelson ‚Äď Are We There Yet

I am sore and have taken a beating these last few months. But I feel good, no I feel great, I feel healthy, I feel strong, I feel physically capable, confident, and healthy. I breath the air yearning for it, not ignoring it as a daily activity. 

Here is the hike we did Yesterday:

Here is a video from this weekends hike:

It has been an amazing realization to know that the outdoors, the place I went to everyday as a child, sleeping with one eye open for, was still there waiting for me. Taking that first breath of the cool air, and getting the sensory memory overload from a childhood otherwise pushed aside now. Something meditative for the guy who can’t seem to get out of his head or stop talking, writing, txting, browsing the world around him.

This form of meditation was not through a chant or pose, but from the perspective of a child, my childhood, my carefree exploring mind of young, it gave me what normally hours of mediation would create for someone else, a sense of relief from the world, thoughts, and everything around us except that open, clear, cloud free mind, that just feels like a frozen moment in time, as if you were about to have a car wreck and the world slowed down just for you to see the events panning out before you. But in that moment you just saw the dust particles falling through the sun light infront of you, heard the leafs rustling, waterfalls pouring. It was and is beautiful.

I get home from these hikes now and don’t know what to do with myself if I am not outside now. The downfall to this is I have lost a little motivation to establish the social norms of “work” because I don’t see a clear path to anything yet that can be as enjoyable as that moment of clarity, nothing I love as much as this thing I just learned to love again. Ironically the “paths” I take while hiking, regardless of signs or maps, all feel comfortable and exciting. But my own “path” has yet to let me on it. I don’t know if I need to go up or down to get there.

I am still wandering this world unsure of my purpose. I have so many passions, I direct, I do photography, I used to act, I worked for a video game company, I did construction, worked at Mc Donalds, but I can’t tell you ONE of those that I value more than health, love, passion, happiness, family, and not taking life too seriously. I love to smile, I love to share my ability to smile, but how does someone make that into a “career”… I am yet to figure that out. I am starting to get frustrated at the “what are you doing for work” question again, (this was something I am familiar with, because it happened last time I quit smoking. I fell deep into it and lost hope. I refuse to do that this time… so I am talking about it outloud, I am confronting those things that scare me so much with open arms and no need to inhale on smoke to make it OK.)¬†I am hearing myself wanting to get lost in a video game world to hide from my¬†inability¬†to achieve my own goals by achieving those in the world I do not exist in. And I find that conflicting with my need to wake up everyday and be active and outside, disconnected from Facebook, txting, phones, computers. I want to take the love of my life up on a mountain and just run together, or 10 feet ahead or behind each other, and still know we are on the mountain, breathing the same air, and eventually we will sit down and have lunch together.

I think those two ideas are starting to clash too, because yesterday on my hike, it may have had to do with exhaustion, but my anxiety was a little elevated for no good reason and has remained a bit elevated all day. I felt like I could get the panic feeling, but it never came. But I also fought it subconsciously by running up the last part of the trail and back down, in a record speed, just letting my legs move, and ignoring the pain or my brain saying to slow down. I just wanted to be in motion. And even though I was no longer hiking right next to my friend I knew he would catch up eventually and it was truly freeing to just jump down and up rocks, until I hit pavement again, and heard the sound of cars, resenting their exhausts and sounds, wanting to be at the top again.

As I write this I am actually figuring some of this stuff out too. Trying to figure myself out, while being punched in the face with a newfound love, but unable to make a living off of it can cause issues in the¬†conscious. I have always felt so empowered by what my own body can achieve. And I love to share. Maybe that is a clue. Maybe my life isn’t behind a camera, but exploring, pushing my mind and body to the limit, and sharing my stream of conscious with those around me. Helping others to better themselves, not because I myself am better, but because I am passionate about sharing my everyday thoughts. The unoriginal originality. Inspiring through the simple idea of “I think that too!”, “I struggle there too”, “I want that too”, “I love too”. I have said before, we are, regardless of our achievements or fame, still looking to talk to others and connect with those around us, because at the end of the day and during, consists of just that, interactions, meaningless in an otherwise meaningful “idea” that is society. Figuring out a medium in which people will enjoy reading my 10 page¬†hieroglyphics will be a challenge however. ūüôā

So with the good comes the bad. But one day at a time here. One antsy, want to be outside, climbing, scrambling, breathing heavily, day at a time. 

We all have to start somewhere. This was from back when I was 200lbs. It was the first week of workout with my personal trainer in California. He helped me claim my life back. If interested in them, they are called Jungle Fitness. As for Jon Jung he is the MAN! So is Bon Gomes my trainer. I couldn’t even do a pullup. It has been a few years since that and I now maintain myself, and it is great to have their basework to start me off! Thanks guys!

A little frustrated today.

So I am a little frustrated today by my scale. I am 160 exactly and my body fat % showed up as 11.7 today which I think is down a point from the last time I checked (so that is good). While this isn’t the end of the world, I keep thinking back to when I smoked and how I could been at 155 by now because of the appetite suppression and metabolism boost it gave me. But like I said and will say it again, I am doing it right this time and if that means it is a little slower so be it.¬†

I am considering if after the 3rd month I don’t drop those #’s a bit at least the body fat, I could care less about the weight if I am in shape, then I wanna try replacing a mean a day with the shake from the P90X thing. It costs the same as my meals and is simpler haha.

Anyone have experience with the shakes?

I mean shit this weekend I did the hike of doom, it was intense and I was running up the side of a mountain without getting winded or tired, so you would think I would be less harsh on myself but I still am a bit harsh. 

Lets just get to 3 months and see how it all turns out on this routine… GO HEALTH haha.

First time hiking/climbing this very intense trail. It was amazing to say the least! Jason and I did a serious route, check out the map for details ūüėČ

It was one intense ride!!! Lots of rock scrambling and high inclines. We will be returning for sure!

This is some video from the adventure:

Check out the whole set of pictures here:

Hiking Breakneck Ridge

A set by Tristan Pope

IMG_1624 IMG_1626 IMG_1625 IMG_1620 IMG_1621 IMG_1622 IMG_1623 IMG_1627 IMG_1628

First time hiking/climbing this very intense trail. It was amazing to say the least! Jason and I did

First time hiking/climbing this very intense trail. It was amazing to say the least! Jason and I did a serious route, check out the map for details ūüėČ

It was one intense ride!!! Lots of rock scrambling and high inclines. We will be returning for sure!

This is some video from the adventure:

Check out the whole set of pictures here:

Hiking Breakneck Ridge

A set by Tristan Pope

IMG_1624 IMG_1626 IMG_1625 IMG_1620 IMG_1621 IMG_1622 IMG_1623 IMG_1627 IMG_1628

Just proud of the progress so far. I ate like a feind this weekend and was able to quickly un-bloat

Just proud of the progress so far. I ate like a feind this weekend and was able to quickly un-bloat

What I have learned today after my workout.  A: My mirror needs to be cleaned. B: I have a girl ass

What I have learned today after my workout. 

A: My mirror needs to be cleaned.

B: I have a girl ass… seriously… WTF?!

Today is a good day!

Today has been a good day, I started it off with Yoga and was able to hold the Crane Pose for 5 seconds solidly! That is 5 seconds more than I have ever done!

Then I looked like this:

(seriously, and it shook my brain lol)

Then I took my progress picture today which was 7 weeks in. You can see my first pictures here: http://lostintxtlation.tumblr.com/post/17275477857/blitzkrieg-on-my-health I am very happy with the progress so far. Taking it slow and steady, but still seeing great results.

So this made me happy.

Then I went and got my hair cut:

So all in all, it has been a great day, great weather, surrounded by positive vibes and people. So I am going to really enjoy today!

My latest hiking trip. These will be getting exponentially harder :)

Hiking is a great way to use those muscles!

Blitzkrieg on my Health Update

‚ÄéToday I had my first HUGE visible # changes.

6 weeks ago:

17 Body Fat % and 170 lbs

Today: 11.7 Body Fat % and 161.7 lbs

Just goes to show, put in the effort, get the results!

For those of you working yourself, know this, I broke my diet, I failed to push somedays, but I never stopped doing it. I always showed up and will continue to.

January

February

I am getting really excited from the new cuts and curves I am seeing, especially in my back and side

I am getting really excited from the new cuts and curves I am seeing, especially in my back and side

Ran

and feel better.

And it was snowing so that made it fun ūüôā

This is not a blog for weight but I need to vent.

I have had one of those weeks where I broke my diet at almost every opportunity I got and had one GREAT day. Not in a seriously bad way, I have made sure to keep the sugar and shit out of my house in case of this. The workout this week has been extremely taxing and my body has been extrememly hungry. Which I compensate for with my food the right way but every now and again I get lost and I eat.

So the stupid part is I am freaking over food that isn’t that bad for me:

  1. Special K with Almond Milk
  2. Like a small cup of pasta without sauce
  3. Some minestrone from mommy ūüôā
  4. a handful of my favorite cheat candy that stays away for the cravings ūüôā
  5. Some peanut butter on 3 pieces of raisin bread.
  6. a few salteens with cream cheese.

So considering I burned close to 1000-2000 calories today. This should not be a big deal but in my head I feel like I failed this week. But my body tells me a different story. So moral of the story, break or not, keep trucking. There is no time limit on health and results. Just take it a day at a time.

I will now go sulk and watch the newest twilight that is on DVD lol

*hands in his man card*

This time it isn’t just about getting into shape, it is about addiction, mental stability, and

This time it isn’t just about getting into shape, it is about addiction, mental stability, and

Blitzkrieg on my Health.

So it is hard to explain what I have been up to for my health the last month without judgement and misconceptions, but I wanted to share regardless. And for those of you who do not understand Anxiety or medication that goes with it, look it up before you judge.

The simplest way to start this is to say, I never look at the “New Year” as a moment where you make major life changes, I find myself always feeling like the “New Year” is actually the middle of the year. This year however, it just happened that right after the family gatherings, money spending for presents, hiatus of work due to holidays, departure of tourists from an already crowded city, massive amounts of unhealthy food(but food you cannot say no to because it is made with love), family crisis’s with my Grandmother going into the hospital for health issues, personal exploration into a past that remains hidden, tears, panic, stress, etc, right after it all there was a moment where the stress was at an all time low.

And my body and mind were ready for the next step. 

So let’s talk about the hardest part of a¬†blitzkrieg¬†of things that had to happen all at once in order for me to claim my health back: Medication.

When I was 19, something in my brain chemistry changed significantly where my normal anxiety got heightened.(turns out I had this all my life but never knew it) There are many theories I have for this, but the short and skinny of it, was I was no longer able to just be me in the terms that I had defined up until that point in my life. I was no longer able to go out without fears such as: where is the nearest bathroom, will I need to leave because I am having a panic attack, how quickly can I get home, will there be drinking.

Let me describe a panic attack for me. It is a feeling of¬†nausea. ¬†I feel as though I am getting sick quickly to the point of having to throw up. Now the shitty part about this is I am not one of those people who can throw up to feel better. I actually haven’t thrown up from anything but food poisoning since I was 19. I am the call Mom, cry, and lay down for 3 days puker. Lovely I know. ūüėõ

So that feeling made it very difficult to go and do normal things, since nothing specific triggered this feeling of loss of control. Only those who have had panic can understand that it is not caused by situations of stress or obvious strife, you could be walking in a field of sugar fairies and making millions of dollars, but all of a sudden, BAM PANIC ATTACK. 

Well, this is why it is hard to explain the start of a hard journey 4 and half weeks ago. If you don’t understand that at 19 I got insane panic attacks, went to see numerous therapists to try to figure it out, all of them not having a clue what was causing it. Attach the fact that I could no longer get drunk because I would panic, smoke pot because I would panic, go out as much because I would be afraid of panicing causing me to panic.. you have a cocktail for a very depressing moment in life where you just wish you could be you again.¬†

Well after a year of it, I was able to accept the fact that who I was, was part of this. And I was able to overcome the panic, and learn it, understand it, and through strong helpful influences in my life, deal with them when they came. But it did mean changes of my lifestyle, changes I still hate.

You go to a bar with friends and say you don’t drink, you automatically get put into a¬†straight¬†edge category. This sucks specially when you are extremely outgoing and love people around you. There is some sort of stigma attached to it where you aren’t enjoying yourself if you are not drunk. Well guess what… now I love it. I save money, I don’t get hangovers, and I can drink a drink or two but I don’t need it to be me: energetic and open. Yes I have reservations and yes it used to help me¬†like¬†anyone else, but you learn to compensate. I actually get an almost associative drunk now with friends.

So then I graduated college and moved back home, and after 2 years of no serious panic attacks, I got the worst panic attacks of my life. I couldn’t leave the house, enjoy holidays, go out. So I decided even though it was ingrained in my mind for my whole life that drugs were bad to deal with issues, I had no other choice. I was¬†prescribed¬†Klonopin and Lorazopan. When this was happening I was on 3 MG of Klonopin Daily and the Lorazopan was if I spiked over the Klonopin.

Think of it like this: Your panic is a glass of water and each time you have an attack the water gets added to the glass, but there is no one drinking it after, so it builds up, causing them to happen more frequently and with more intensity as you get it more. The drug literally just allows you to drink the water and have an empty glass. It doesn’t make you weird or different it just allows you to be you.¬†

Well it worked. And this was a big time in my life where I got my job out in California. Well turns out, once I got that job, moved a million miles away, the panic got under control more. I didn’t need the drug as much. Problem was my doctor was on the East coast and no one was seeing me on a regular basis to help me cut my medication down.¬†

So I tried it on my own. I got all the way to 1 MG a day, and decided to cut to 0. Well if you look this one up, that is a BIG MISTAKE. You go through withdrawal very similar to heroin. And it was ugly, I made it 4 days before I had to go back on it so I could go to work and function, not from panic but from withdrawal. I won’t go into all the withdrawal side effects but it was ugly.

I felt like I failed, but I carried on. The drug wasn’t making me different, slow, or¬†incapable, it was just there.¬†

Well over the next 5 years, I was able to get it down to .25 or .5MG a day which was just enough to not have side effects, but I always questioned if it was needed, because I was learning through self exploration how to deal with panic attacks on my own. I also started smoking again, which seems to help me with stress. I had quit for 5 years prior to California. So it was a big set back, but it also opened social doors up and at my job opportunities as fucked as that sounds. So I continued on and off for my 5 years. At the same time I gained a ton of weight. I got all the way up to 200lbs.

For someone who was always skinny with the metabolism of a damn jack rabbit it was depressing.(lost that metabolism at around 20) I felt like shit, I looked like shit, and I always felt like someone else. I was never me in this new environment. No one knew me as I knew me.

Well it took me literally 3 and a half years to finally do something about it. I joined up with a trainer and started my claim to me again. 

I had amazing results and not only did this new workout let me quit smoking cold turkey due to the endorphins, it also made me feel like me again. It also made me re-analyze EVERY aspect of my life, my job, my goals, the people around me, etc.

I am a very positive person and I realized my life style prior was not very positive. 

The thing that really showed me was the negative attitudes of those around me when I lost weight. The true friends shined bright as they commended me and supported me. But the dark influences in my life looked at me with resentment. And that sucked. Because when you start to get healthy, you want to share, and help those around you.

Well I was also on my own crusade with the weight loss and decided to see how low I could go, because prior to my trainer I didn’t even know I could have abs. I thought, in shape for me was just skinny. Little did I know.

Well I pushed it to the limit and I knew it. Problem was with all the life changes I needed to implement, I started smoking again and well, that was not a good combo, because it curbs your appetite and the last thing I needed when burning 1000-2000 calories a day was to not eat.

That was me NOT healthy.

Well I knew I had to make changes again and quit smoking again once I cleaned my life of the stresses. Mind you the stresses were so strong here, I felt like if I didn’t smoke, I would not be making the right decisions and my withdrawal may effect it in a negative way making me question if I did it right. So once I was able to figure it out, I made the change.

That was me healthy again. And getting very strong. 

I still looked at it as me heavier however. I have a very skewed sense of self image. I take pictures to keep track. And I am grateful for that. 

Anyway, extremely long story getting to the point now haha. After this years Holidays and New Year, I saw this picture and decided I needed to do this again. But this time, take my time, and add a few wrenched into the journey.

I met a therapist that would help me cut my medication the right way and help me to feel safe doing it, guiding me the whole way. Problem is, I also wanted to quit smoking soo badly. Well I can’t do that without working out, which is hard for me. And I couldn’t do all of that without eating healthy. I am lazy, and it is hard to cook my own healthy food. My sister helped me out greatly so far with that by helping me cook food for every day.¬†

So what did I do? All at once, I cut my medication to .25 a day, quit smoking, started working out, and revised my eating¬†completely. One might look at that and say do it slower, not all at once, but my brain doesn’t work that way. I needed to do it all at once because they were all so tied to each other. Or you may look at it as these things are not that hard or connected, but they are all soo connected and difficult on a level that isn’t¬†tangible. So for me I am extremely proud and excited for the next day everyday and the day of as well.¬†

My brain was ready to take the leap to get off the medication completely. I am damn good at dealing with my panic attacks when and if they happen these days so I want to be free of the medication and see if I can do it on my own. If I cannot at least I know instead of just being reliant on the medication. But it will take time. Cutting it down slowly over the next few months with the right help. Plus the drug company was starting to limit the production of what I took and it is scary to not have something that gives you withdrawal. Regardless of having a panic attack or not, without it from .5 to 0 equals withdrawal that is worse than panic.

My brain was also ready to get rid of the cigarettes. Sometimes your body just doesn’t want them anymore and you have to capitalize on that. I had to see a friend of mine go through chemo treatments when she is super healthy and never smoked, and I watched her¬†strength¬†during it, and realized I may not be that strong. And while not a deciding factor it helped to get my head thinking it was time to attempt¬†quitting¬†again. My mother said it indirectly the other day in a way that I liked. I made the mistake of starting smoking, and I had to fix it. Because even though I like it, it is a mistake and it is extremely dangerous. Which you know as a smoker but you ignore anyway, part of which is because of the extreme addicting aspects of it. It blinds you regardless of side effects. Which let me list some so you can grasp what I would deal with to smoke:

  1. Dulled smell 
  2. Dulled Taste
  3. I smelled
  4. My breath was horrid
  5. Nausea in the morning
  6. Frequent diarrhea
  7. Coughing up nasty hard phlegm every morning
  8. Constant clearing of my throat
  9. The feeling of being winded
  10. Higher intake of oxygen, making you breath smaller when not smoking
  11. Mouth sores from the nicotine
  12. Teeth discoloration(fixed this as well with a dentist prescribed whiting tray)
  13. Habits of smoking right after using the bathroom, midway through a movie, on the phone, at a bus stop, after getting off a bus, after eating, before eating, 2 before a workout, 1 right after, waking up, going to sleep, the list goes on with this one.
  14. Upset stomach often
  15. Curbed appetite.
  16. House smelled
  17. Clothes smelled
  18. TONS OF LAUNDRY
  19. 300$ a month to smoke

So these are just some of the things I overlooked to smoke, because without being able to drink, smoke pot, etc, I felt like it was my only edge left. The only thing that made me sociably acceptable when out with friends. Yes I may not drink but I go on smoke breaks.

Anyway, after¬†quitting¬†for the 4 and a half weeks so far, I feel amazing. But I get afraid that without the cigarettes the results won’t be as good from working out. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but it would¬†yield¬†faster results due to not being as hungry. But I couldn’t push as hard, and why get into shape to just be¬†aesthetically¬†pleasing. So this whole time I have just had to trust my workout, and know I will binge on some days, and crack here and there with food, but there is no rush. The first month is your body tightening without as much physical to show, the second month is more physical show, and the third month is a huge step. And after that, since I have a longer plan, I should be in amazing shape, and feel soo much better.

And to reiterate, it was my mistake to start, so I must take action to fix it.(even though I think smoking has sex appeal and I enjoy it, I get so pissed that we allow them to be sold even as a smoker, because I know what I am struggling with, and wish others didn’t have to ever do this. And I wish people understood how hard it is to quit smoking, it is as addictive if not more than other drugs because it is allowed to be¬†incorporated¬†into every part of our lives, not only associating it with the basics but with who we are.) And this time around I feel great about it. I feel empowered. I don’t want to smoke. I want to hike, i want to breath fresh air, I want to smell the beach, I want to inhale big for¬†fresh¬†crisp air, not a drag of a cigarette. I have been able to make the act of smoking seem bad in my head vs something I miss this time around.

I also made my own workout routine this time, combining aspects from Crossfit, p90x, and Insanity. It is high intensity but very doable everyday. I look forward to it. 

That mixed with the food I am eating, when i do break my diet, it is on healthy items, as I don’t own junk food in my house. So it is better to bing on some almond milk and cereal than 12 bags of chips or candy.¬†

My stomach feels amazing too. I thought I might need to get scoped prior, I thought I was broken, but the cigarettes really had bad effects on me.

I am not getting anxiety, I have had a few small attacks just from my body gettings used to the cut in medication, but it is healthy and very deal-able. That is exciting for me. I feel empowered. I feel like I will be able to go to 0 when it is time and be OK. 

The¬†clarity¬†I get from the workout and all these steps I mentioned is also letting me see more of the stuff in my past that may trigger this, and slowly but surely I am able to look at it without blocking it out completely, but that is another topic and something that will take a lot more time. But at least I see it and it isn’t so much of a “shit what if it just happens one day” thing that looms over you.

Day 1:

This is where I had to start from again. But this time I planned to do it differently. I plan to take my time. I have no rush to be ripped again, but I plan to be. I always lose weight in the winter and then gain in the summer. Which sucks Well not this time dammit. 

I have 5 months to get to the last picture I showed you in the black tank top.

On top of that I take a picture everyday in an app on my phone called 365 days. It allows me to keep track of the progress. I also keep my weight and BMI so I know what is muscle gain and weight loss. Because in the beginning the muscle gain always cancels out the weight loss. It is important to know both so you know you are progressing. 

This is week 3:

This is Week 4.5:

So this is my progress so far. And it is a lot more than just losing weight. It is a health change in my life, my body, and my mind.

The quote that has been resonating in my head lately is:

You get out of it what you put into it!

And how true that is. I am putting my heart and soul into this, and so I was worried to even write this, as I have no beaten anything yet, and I don’t want to jump the gun and make it sound like a victory. But I also appreciate the support, so I figured it was as good a time than any to share.

I will keep updating as it goes on, but so far, so great! ūüôā

I feel great, I feel happy, I feel positive, and I feel strong.

And even though I am usually looked at with a very positive attitude I have days where I am deprressed, overwhelmed, and down. But even then I just remind myself to TRUST in the excercise, to trust in the eating, and to not put a time limit on this, as this is my life and it has to become my lifestyle to be successful. 

I had my chance to push to the limit, this is not that time.

So there ya have it, my exciting journey continues, and I smile, cry, and sweat through it all!

P.S. As I have designed this workout and eating routine, if you have ANY questions feel free to ask away ūüôā

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