Lost in Txtlation

These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

Tag: first

The Second Date Limbo

It is so incredibly complicated getting to the second date these days. The rules of “3 days before a call” have long been muddied, if not completely forgotten. Now you are faced with the dilemma of liking an Instagram photo, responding to a Facebook post, texting an indifferent message once every day or two so not to seem too interested but still interested enough until schedules line up. The balancing act of  texts between multiple dates, hoping you don’t message the wrong person the wrong response, timing your texts so not to be assumed you are overbearing.

All these unspoken “rules”, impossible to master without literally not giving a shit, because texts are usually two or three lines of nothing of consequence. So you sit there looking at your time stamps and read recipes wondering if the other person

A is just not interested

B doing the same shit

C has nothing interesting to say

So you question saying hi because saying hi is so damn easy these days. Nothing rings, no running to the phone, just hit a button, tap a screen, flush, and be on your way. The amount of times someone like me who enjoys conversation and interaction gets questioned if I am overzealous is hard to count. If I am in love with you after one date, first you must be amazing beyond words for a text, and secondI woulda sent you flowers.(this is not a dead art dammit!)

(Shit having this blog makes most people assume I am obsessed with love.)

This period between date one and maybe even three or four is confusing, judgmental, and just plain silly. The “I had a good time with you tonight” and if you are feeling generous and not cryptic “would love to see you again” is usually the only sane text after and before date one. It happens somewhere between one and two hours after the first date ends and is usually met with an “I agree” or “me too” but it never defines when you will see the other again. So you are now wondering, should I follow up with a time, or do I wait until tomorrow since I just left. There is no more “distance” because it is so easy to talk immediately after seeing one another. Questioning your own texts perchance they will be taken out of context of trying to get to the next date sucks. Then the time between setting up a time and the date… should you send a few texts here and there to get to know them a bit more?

In my opinion we should use all these communication methods not as a label for “desperate” but a tool to transition smoothly from one date to the next. i understand some people are nuts, but isn’t that what the first date was for? You should probably have a good indication of crazy or not by now. This would allow us some time to talk a little more about our daily life that isn’t considered proper first date etiquette. But nope… We stumble and question and end up looking at a slew of texts over a period of time assuming the other person, if their texts start to amount to something more than a screen’s worth,(mind you this is still probably no more than 10 sentences on 4 inch screen), is a loser, has no other prospects, is obsessed, or likes is more than them. All of this is a false sense of balance and it blows. And remember if you see the “is typing” animation don’t text before it sends or you look too desperate… Growing up in the AIM generation doesn’t help me here haha. 

Don’t even get me started on trying to call someone…..

Do I actually miss you?

You can say I miss you to someone within the first few minutes of meeting them, but what are you truly missing? I think I have always thought it would be nice to miss someone or just default to saying it as a kind way of saying I was looking forward to seeing them again. However, I am starting to realize that I may have been using it wrong, missing the idea of what I saw as a glimmer of hope of what could be. Having it feel good but stop at that. How long does it actually take to truly miss someone? I am talking about missing them as a being not as a thought. Not missing the process, but missing their conversation, missing their laughter, missing their personality, missing how they make me feel and how I perceive I make them feel. I miss you can feel so much better when you truly feel like their actions, words, physicality, affection, and who they are makes you feel… for lack of a better term, complete.

I would almost go as far as saying “I miss you” can be taken in similar light as “I love you” but because it is not as in your face, it is thrown around much easier. Kinda like saying “I heart you” before you are ready to truly say “love”.

That’s why date two..three… four…are way more important than date one in terms of truly understanding the person in front of you. As much as I would love to believe in “love at first sight” my logical side sees how you can only truly get to know someone so much each time you see them. Have you seen them cry? Have you had the chance to decide on what to eat while watching Netflix? Have you taken the time to wake up to them? Have you felt them in your arms while you slept? Have you talked to them after a bad day of work? Have you run around the park with them on a warm day? Have you laid out on the grass in the middle of the day with them saying nothing at all? All of these things are important to establish a baseline of who they are. Much to my own dislike for delayed gratification, take time. You start to dispel the “idea of the person” and see the person in front of you.

So who is to say, once you truly, actually, full heartedly “miss” someone, that perhaps you are or have fallen in love with them too. I feel as though you can still miss the touch of a person, the chemistry of a person, and just the general feeling of not being alone in a very saturated world of Tinders, Okcupids, and Women/Men at a fingers swipe. And it is easy to quickly say “I miss you” and for it to feel sweet and sincere. But when you truly think about it, when you truly allow yourself the part of your mind that processes moment to moment as well as the larger picture, to truly miss someone and to understand what it means to say it, I believe will and should feel different. I want to, when saying or for that fact, hearing “I miss you”, know the person actually has a grasp of me and misses the person I am and not the idea of who I can be or the hole I might fill, if after that sunova bitch… time; which is the catalyst for truly knowing a person beyond what a few pre-planned dates can deliver, it turns out we truly do miss each other.

P.S. I feel like there is something about getting away from someone and then coming back fresh and having a new experience that shows you something new about them. I think you can MISS SOMEONE don’t get me wrong, but to MISS MISS someone I feel like it is two different experiences in one expression. Basically time is the ONLY way to get all the pieces to the puzzle that is “us” as human beings. And I am sure there is a certain point where we have enough to feel the “miss” part as knowing another person is an ongoing thing, but without the actually time clocked, I think there is an actual information barrier that cannot be completed. 

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