Lost in Txtlation

These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

Tag: face

I like your face! I think…

I like your face!

I think…

So online dating has taught me something new, I have to be really critical of people’s faces. God, Tristan, you are so shallow!

Wait let me explain… So an online dating profile is comprised of 10 or so images of the person. First factor in: The person picked the photos they think best portray who they are, then take into consideration that you have different angles, lighting, and no actual three dimensional view of their face in these photos.

Let me first disclaimer this with: the beauty of these photos is obviously subjective to who is looking, what they like, what attracts them to another human being, and so forth. No one is being called out for being ugly, just for not fitting what I or another may be looking for or find attractive.

Ok now with that out of the way, let’s say you see one image you absolutely love. And you go, WOW. This person is gorgeous, I want to know more about her! Then you swipe to the right and see image 2, you brush it off because it doesn’t have the same effect but her ass looks great, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, same reaction but to different parts of her, except the face… But you don’t care, you know she is “gorgeous” in photo one and fits the physical criteria you have set. Wrong. You have become fixated on what you want the person to look like, not the overall.

I am a victim of this. Whether you have 3 images or 100, you can literally get so consumed by one shot that really plays to what you are looking for that you ignore the other images. You are not looking at the whole picture. I am a photographer, I understand angles, lighting, and makeup… yet even I find myself having to remind myself to look at the images together. If I am attracted to 10% of her face in photos, this is not going to work. When you meet in person you are going to essentially put together all those photos like a 3D printer would, piecing together a real person not a flat image.

It is so important to like 90% or more of someone’s face in their photos because they portray a complete picture of this person. They show their good and bad sides whether intentional or not. If you can feel connection from the bad sides and the good, the real life meet is going to blow your mind. You are going to be sitting there waiting for them to walk into whatever place you are meeting, and when they finally do, you are going to forget how to be cool and how to keep it together as you oogle them. Their eyes now having shine to them, their skin complexion, their hair motion… everything turns into a beautiful moving image, what people before online dating would have called real life.

I used to be so fixated on making sure someone took care of their body, wasn’t out of shape, and presented themselves truthfully, but I was so focused on that, I would often overlook the face. The face is the part that stays as you age, the eyes don’t change, the lips don’t change, etc. This is the most important part of the body(other than your mind, haters)! The part you see when you kiss, the part you see when you wake up, the part you look at while talking about your day, the part you wanna smoosh when they are being a doofus. (I do have a two face theory as well if you are interested: http://lostintxtlation.tumblr.com/post/74653633662/the-two-face-theory )

Don’t get me wrong I still think it is important to take care of your physical as much as you take care of your mental state of health, but the face is something we can literally forget about when it comes to online dating and seeing image after image of people, flicking through them like a deck of cards. You become numb to the details. But if I can offer any advice, it is that if you don’t feel with almost 100% confidence that you are attracted to someone’s face, don’t go on the date, delete the match. Sure you might have gotten along really well as friends, and sure someones mind and personality truly do makeup for more than 70% of attraction, and it is true, I have experienced the process of getting to know someone more and finding them more attractive the more I knew, but the face is so important, it tells so much of the story. So don’t sell yourself short. Even when I have felt that deeper connection with someone, I always loved their face in every photo, in person, and in general. The rest of the body be damned.

With online dating this is even more important because when you don’t have the ability to assess them through your sunglasses on the subway, understand the dimensions, feel that strange “connection” or “attraction” first hand, see them part their hair to the side of their face, and are just skimming through a bunch of “headshots” never getting to see them act or a reel, you really need to make sure you want to kiss them every day, for the rest of your life. I know, crazy talk, but I honestly believe it. This shit isn’t organic, so embrace it and perhaps you will have a better chance of not feeling disappointed by yourself for casting your own smoke and mirrors, just to get to the “date”. It is OK to say no and it is OK to be picky. There is something for everyone when it comes to what attracts us, so make sure you are looking for the right things. That is what I am trying to do, stumbling as I go, but learning each time I stumble. And just so I feel better about writing this outloud, no I am not “trying to hard”, I am literally just writing outloud how my brain works. This is me, for better or worse, I will think about forever after before I even meet someone, but I don’t go into it expecting a fairy tale ending, I let myself be, and through being, I take a step at a time, with many educated jumps ahead of me.

In my head, living the dream.

I think the most important feature for someone to fall in love with is the other persons face. I don’t say this because of beauty, but because of the way her smile makes you smile, the way her eyes sparkle just for you. That special sparkle that lets you into, them, as a person. Or even as simple as the way their nose crinkles or the lines in their jaw.

In a world where love is defined as a multitude of cultural differences, choices in life, eating habits, and stress levels, the face never changes. The face never lies.

In 100 years if you can picture staring at that person next to you and seeing their beauty through your eyes, you have found love.

Of course, the challenge is finding that beauty you need with a person you are compatible with. But life will change us every day. I am not the same person I was when I was young, nor am I the same person I was yesterday, and while some may consider a marriage in which every ten years you re-evaluate if you fit, I see a mixture.

Someone’s appearance isn’t everything. You can gain and lose weight as quickly as the blink of an eye. Your can cut or grow your hair. Your style fits you when you need it. However, there is an essence in the face, that shows the way a person is. You can see the core of someone’s morals through their face. I have recently draw upon the idea that some of the most successful relationships I have ever seen were when the couple had similar physical traits, mostly in their faces or expressions.

It is kind of like an owner and their dog, just not in a weird beastial way :P

Perhaps it is the idea that behind all of our self doubt and self consciousness, we are beautiful to ourselves. If we didn’t have some semblance of this, doubts and all, I don’t think we would make it from day to day. So perhaps in a very basic sort of way, we see that one thing we have no control over; the beauty in ourselves through our own eyes and we find that in our perfect match. And perhaps that same thing that controls that part of our subconscious is a part of what makes our minds run the way they do and hard codes us with the choices we will make, and the paths we decide to travel. If we go after those who grab us not for the makeup and eyeliner, but the pure, simplistic, animalistic, unabated beauty, we may find love for the rest of our lives.

It is hard to say beauty is within, when our first impressions are usually without. So why not go with that first gut reaction, because if you make sacrifices to your own feelings, you may end up in love with the idea of love itself and not the person next to you.

Who knows, maybe the simple way you can stare into their eyes, is actually a mental pheromone which shows you a similar path you are both going to journey down, a compatibility unseen until you jump in. That simple sparkle may act as a light to guide the way, for both of you.

Just me

In my head, living the dream.

I think the most important feature for someone to fall in love with is the other persons face. I don’t say this because of beauty, but because of the way her smile makes you smile, the way her eyes sparkle just for you. That special sparkle that lets you into, them, as a person. Or even as simple as the way their nose crinkles or the lines in their jaw.

In a world where love is defined as a multitude of cultural differences, choices in life, eating habits, and stress levels, the face never changes. The face never lies.

In 100 years if you can picture staring at that person next to you and seeing their beauty through your eyes, you have found love.

Of course, the challenge is finding that beauty you need with a person you are compatible with. But life will change us every day. I am not the same person I was when I was young, nor am I the same person I was yesterday, and while some may consider a marriage in which every ten years you re-evaluate if you fit, I see a mixture.

Someone’s appearance isn’t everything. You can gain and lose weight as quickly as the blink of an eye. Your can cut or grow your hair. Your style fits you when you need it. However, there is an essence in the face, that shows the way a person is. You can see the core of someone’s morals through their face. I have recently draw upon the idea that some of the most successful relationships I have ever seen were when the couple had similar physical traits, mostly in their faces or expressions.

It is kind of like an owner and their dog, just not in a weird beastial way :P

Perhaps it is the idea that behind all of our self doubt and self consciousness, we are beautiful to ourselves. If we didn’t have some semblance of this, doubts and all, I don’t think we would make it from day to day. So perhaps in a very basic sort of way, we see that one thing we have no control over; the beauty in ourselves through our own eyes and we find that in our perfect match. And perhaps that same thing that controls that part of our subconscious is a part of what makes our minds run the way they do and hard codes us with the choices we will make, and the paths we decide to travel. If we go after those who grab us not for the makeup and eyeliner, but the pure, simplistic, animalistic, unabated beauty, we may find love for the rest of our lives.

It is hard to say beauty is within, when our first impressions are usually without. So why not go with that first gut reaction, because if you make sacrifices to your own feelings, you may end up in love with the idea of love itself and not the person next to you.

Who knows, maybe the simple way you can stare into their eyes, is actually a mental pheromone which shows you a similar path you are both going to journey down, a compatibility unseen until you jump in. That simple sparkle may act as a light to guide the way, for both of you.

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