Lost in Txtlation

These are the cookie crumbs for my depreciating mind.

Tag: dreams

“She is better than the girl of my dreams…. She is real.”

What would I describe love as?

Or perhaps better put what would I describe the feeling I yearn for from another in my life?

I suppose my ears could tell you through the voice of a beautiful song. The way the tone resonates through my heart and body. The tremble the sound carries to my ear drums that shake my body and cause my hairs to stand on end. The sound filling your whole body, unable to make out the words, but just register the feeling it causes you.

Perhaps my mind could think for you through the lack of struggling with signs, or how it could be, or how it might be, but how it is.
 
I suppose I have always thought of finding that special person as something special above itself. Not that it would be grandiose or a perfect definition of textbook love, far from it.

I guess it would be an equilibrium of ease and comfort, mixed with the complications that are brought to us every day in our lives. From the simple upset stomach from some bad food, or perhaps the unINTENTIONAL upset stomach from too much junk food, to the simplistic beauty one can see in another, perhaps through an indie film perspective, in which you can take it shot by shot and apply a simple color wash to the filter of the day. The day transformed into a de-saturated image of how it actually is, but the lack of color actually gives it the feeling of fall’s crisp air, and the beautiful colors of the leaves falling off trees around you as you try to capture the moment in your mind forever because you know you only have so much time in your day to stand and stare at the beauty of nature shedding its prior season.

Being able to look into the eyes of that person next to you, be it near on a pillow next to you or far across a table during dinner, and knowing, you both are familiar with the idea of investing time and effort into one another without needing to surround the drama of the world around your visions sheltering your senses from what could be great, or could just be friendship.

The simplest of smiles that can be brought to your day by the other person remembering something small that you mentioned earlier in the week. Just seeing an effort that they too care and are thinking of you in the empty space, usually filled with our day to day lives, between conversation. A feeling of care. The feeling one would get in highschool usually after you were titled “boyfriend and girlfriend”. The attached stigma of those words broke down many more walls and caused hugs to become a daily occurrence and kissing to be part of your hello and not a question per date. But regardless of statements, titles, words in general, it is a feeling one would think could be plain and overwhelming.

Within the strengths and passions of each day, lived by both parties, there is the understanding that the idea of a simple life and happiness are not defined by where you are or your days final outcome, but that the simple life is a state of mind and if shared within that ideal, together both can live past sarcasm, jokes, and hiccups that often cause a bit of strife. But somehow the person next to you inspires your passion and can make a hallmark card moment make sense, not because you read it, but you realize you can now say it without the card.

The simple ability to say what comes to your mind and if you change it later, being able to correct it, without the scare of having chosen the wrong answer first. We all need that second moment to rethink what we say, and sometimes we agree and sometimes we wish to say it again or in 50 different ways to express how we really feel.

The time-lines of two people often have to align for you to get the relationship to even begin, it is when those time-lines go out of sync(which WILL happen, because we all have changes, physically, chemically, and mentally as we progress through life) when we really see how it works with the other person. How we work together then is when our “essence of love” truly shines.

When we meet a person, even if it is the FIRST time, or we see a picture of them, or hear their voice on the phone, or understand one of their opinions, I believe, even though I can only speak for myself, we picture them in every situation that defines a family, a life together, coming home to them, how they will be with possible children, waking up next to them, having to sleep next to them every night and not having your OWN bed. I believe this almost primordial instinct is natural and we should not be afraid because of stigmas against it to think about it or even discuss it, but not to lay it out step by step, or think that we are pushing too far into the future with these thoughts, but just consider it part of that first impression, and just take it day by day. It will become more obvious as time goes on, and time is really the only thing that can really shine this brightly. So think it but understand we all have more than just a few thoughts in our head at once, and while these may sound huge, they are just a beginning of a transformation of the mind to looking at the other person as a possible part of your life.

I believe instincts are very important to be followed and usually followed right away. I suppose not being afraid and thinking of a relationship as something you jump head into to see if it works because god knows how long we have to just BE, so why not find out if you are someone I want to even kiss in the first place, instead of putting the kiss before hand in order to know you. Then either take the small emotional hit if it doesn’t work out and be friends or not, or perhaps something more will appear.

I cannot say my past relationships have not been a deciding factor in how I react to the next one. But to treat the next person as just that, a different person, someone who isn’t another but them, and to respect what it is THEY are. To know there are similarities with everyone, but everyone is UNIQUE. This is true with everything that “affects” us in life, so like the song that fills your head with sweet sounds giving you that puppy love feeling, unable to hear the words of the actual song, let it help you, let it guide you through that beginning blindness and find the picture you are looking for. And perhaps you will walk into the gallery seeing something that truly is something you would pay a ridiculous amount of money just to have it hanging in your house, or kindly thank the receptionist and walk out of the gallery, not afraid to explore the hidden meaning in all the other art being offered around you.

ADDITION:

I believe working on love as a conscious effort is just as important as “the instant” love, which is truly something I cannot say I know much about. I mean if we can work on bettering ourselves, or even work at a job we love, why can’t we also work on love. Isn’t Love Money Fame and Happiness some of the top things people want? So We work towards all the others, why not love too, it is just as important.

So those are my thoughts. Obviously I have a million more and I wonder if I express everything properly the first time, but that is OK I think, because there is time to re-address things and to talk about it, instead of it being chiseled into stone on, THIS IS HOW IT IS. Consider this my journal entry to myself with intent of someone reading it.

Even if it was just for a moment.

Even if it was just for a moment, I recently had everything the way I wanted it. And all cylinders of the brain were firing, all the right decisions were going to be made, and the future wasn’t even a concern.

Even if it was just for a moment.

It all started last night when I saw the outline of the TV, my kitties in my lap, and an affectionate head laid in that strange place without a proper name in between my neck and shoulder blade, the place that only a person can snuggle into filled with just that. On the table two glasses of Pinot Grigio contrasting on a dark wood coffee table, with a film of condensation frosting the glass, and on my legs stretched out relaxed two kitties dreaming away. That one outline could have made a painting or a shadow cutout or even the cover of a rental. And for that moment there was no worries of the future or decisions to be made. It was just a place to enjoy and stare at, the words of the movie jumbled by the simple perfection of an imperfect situation. It cleared my mind just long enough that when it ended my dreams followed with such a feeling of clarity. Continue reading

“She is better than the girl of my dreams…. She is real.”

What would I describe love as?

Or perhaps better put what would I describe the feeling I yearn for from another in my life?

I suppose my ears could tell you through the voice of a beautiful song. The way the tone resonates through my heart and body. The tremble the sound carries to my ear drums that shake my body and cause my hairs to stand on end. The sound filling your whole body, unable to make out the words, but just register the feeling it causes you.

Perhaps my mind could think for you through the lack of struggling with signs, or how it could be, or how it might be, but how it is.
Continue reading

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