Scariest thing for me is always admitting to myself that I have to humble myself. Even if I do it it is still scary and hard and strains me 🙂

I often wonder why people think they are stronger on their own. While I myself do feel strong on my own and like doing things myself, I often feel if I were to be able to find the right person to bring into my life and me into theirs I would be stronger not in my own person persay(hate this word but love using it haha) but in the lives of us both in that new me that is part of the two.

I won’t lose who I am, and if I do the relationship is probably not working, or perhaps it worked really well and opened me up to a new way I wanted to go, but the key word is want. Even if you do not act differently with your loved one what you have with them vs what you have with yourself will always be different. Because no one is you BUT you, I always try to give what I can as much as I can of WHO I am so they can better assess a situation in which I may come to them or they come to me or even just KNOWING so they don’t have to do anything, which will bring comfort.

I mean obviously we all have our relationships where the relationship takes over all thoughts, pushes our lives to the side, and we want more than anything to Just think about the relationship itself. But because it is with another person we are allowing into our lives I think we are more judgmental on it than if we got really wrapped up in our jobs that make us money, or a video game that brings us simple pleasures.

I suppose I always question and wait for a legitimate or better yet an answer that rings true to me to answer the idea of “i prefer to be alone” when just like a cat or a small child, we all at the core value of ourselves yearn to be held and yearn to be with the comfort of others, for survival and “love”.

I have summed up a lot of what I think is a stigma for why people “say” they prefer their strength alone. Others opinions or jealousy’s. But what if that person was not clashing in those regards, wouldn’t it allow you to be strong still?

The key to this is we are so scared of not having success that we pass by the success of a relationship that could potential lift our whole selves to become more successful biologically 🙂

I watched 500 days of Summer and intently waited for the ending because I hoped this author finally had an answer to why people say, “I don’t want a label..” or “I prefer it casual” I wanted to see why this backfires.. and (spoiler) what it turned out to be, was not philosophical but the simple idea of, I date multiple people and those who I don’t think I see IN my life further than tomorrow are just that, casual, and those who might be get more of who I am and a bigger chunk of me. The character split herself between two or more people never really committing fully to one or the other but finally when she decided without the others knowing they existed who she felt fit into HER plan the most, the rest were left heart broken and unable to understand what just went on, because the emotion and love and sex, was just a filler for her to get her shit in order.

I still want to tackle that idea more and definitely want to get more opinions on it to. Anywhoo.