What would I describe love as?

Or perhaps better put what would I describe the feeling I yearn for from another in my life?

I suppose my ears could tell you through the voice of a beautiful song. The way the tone resonates through my heart and body. The tremble the sound carries to my ear drums that shake my body and cause my hairs to stand on end. The sound filling your whole body, unable to make out the words, but just register the feeling it causes you.

Perhaps my mind could think for you through the lack of struggling with signs, or how it could be, or how it might be, but how it is.

I suppose I have always thought of finding that special person as something special above itself. Not that it would be grandiose or a perfect definition of textbook love, far from it.

I guess it would be an equilibrium of ease and comfort, mixed with the complications that are brought to us every day in our lives. From the simple upset stomach from some bad food, or perhaps the unINTENTIONAL upset stomach from too much junk food, to the simplistic beauty one can see in another, perhaps through an indie film perspective, in which you can take it shot by shot and apply a simple color wash to the filter of the day. The day transformed into a de-saturated image of how it actually is, but the lack of color actually gives it the feeling of fall’s crisp air, and the beautiful colors of the leaves falling off trees around you as you try to capture the moment in your mind forever because you know you only have so much time in your day to stand and stare at the beauty of nature shedding its prior season.

Being able to look into the eyes of that person next to you, be it near on a pillow next to you or far across a table during dinner, and knowing, you both are familiar with the idea of investing time and effort into one another without needing to surround the drama of the world around your visions sheltering your senses from what could be great, or could just be friendship.

The simplest of smiles that can be brought to your day by the other person remembering something small that you mentioned earlier in the week. Just seeing an effort that they too care and are thinking of you in the empty space, usually filled with our day to day lives, between conversation. A feeling of care. The feeling one would get in highschool usually after you were titled “boyfriend and girlfriend”. The attached stigma of those words broke down many more walls and caused hugs to become a daily occurrence and kissing to be part of your hello and not a question per date. But regardless of statements, titles, words in general, it is a feeling one would think could be plain and overwhelming.

Within the strengths and passions of each day, lived by both parties, there is the understanding that the idea of a simple life and happiness are not defined by where you are or your days final outcome, but that the simple life is a state of mind and if shared within that ideal, together both can live past sarcasm, jokes, and hiccups that often cause a bit of strife. But somehow the person next to you inspires your passion and can make a hallmark card moment make sense, not because you read it, but you realize you can now say it without the card.

The simple ability to say what comes to your mind and if you change it later, being able to correct it, without the scare of having chosen the wrong answer first. We all need that second moment to rethink what we say, and sometimes we agree and sometimes we wish to say it again or in 50 different ways to express how we really feel.

The time-lines of two people often have to align for you to get the relationship to even begin, it is when those time-lines go out of sync(which WILL happen, because we all have changes, physically, chemically, and mentally as we progress through life) when we really see how it works with the other person. How we work together then is when our “essence of love” truly shines.

When we meet a person, even if it is the FIRST time, or we see a picture of them, or hear their voice on the phone, or understand one of their opinions, I believe, even though I can only speak for myself, we picture them in every situation that defines a family, a life together, coming home to them, how they will be with possible children, waking up next to them, having to sleep next to them every night and not having your OWN bed. I believe this almost primordial instinct is natural and we should not be afraid because of stigmas against it to think about it or even discuss it, but not to lay it out step by step, or think that we are pushing too far into the future with these thoughts, but just consider it part of that first impression, and just take it day by day. It will become more obvious as time goes on, and time is really the only thing that can really shine this brightly. So think it but understand we all have more than just a few thoughts in our head at once, and while these may sound huge, they are just a beginning of a transformation of the mind to looking at the other person as a possible part of your life.

I believe instincts are very important to be followed and usually followed right away. I suppose not being afraid and thinking of a relationship as something you jump head into to see if it works because god knows how long we have to just BE, so why not find out if you are someone I want to even kiss in the first place, instead of putting the kiss before hand in order to know you. Then either take the small emotional hit if it doesn’t work out and be friends or not, or perhaps something more will appear.

I cannot say my past relationships have not been a deciding factor in how I react to the next one. But to treat the next person as just that, a different person, someone who isn’t another but them, and to respect what it is THEY are. To know there are similarities with everyone, but everyone is UNIQUE. This is true with everything that “affects” us in life, so like the song that fills your head with sweet sounds giving you that puppy love feeling, unable to hear the words of the actual song, let it help you, let it guide you through that beginning blindness and find the picture you are looking for. And perhaps you will walk into the gallery seeing something that truly is something you would pay a ridiculous amount of money just to have it hanging in your house, or kindly thank the receptionist and walk out of the gallery, not afraid to explore the hidden meaning in all the other art being offered around you.

So those are my thoughts. Obviously I have a million more and I wonder if I express everything properly the first time, but that is OK I think, because there is time to re-address things and to talk about it, instead of it being chiseled into stone on, THIS IS HOW IT IS. Consider this my journal entry to myself with intent of someone reading it.

(FACEBOOK COMMENTS RELEVANT TO THE POST)

Jennifer Smith

Jennifer Smith

Love is best expressed through music. It’s a feeling that resonates throughout your body, and words can’t describe it… I’ve learned that the type of person you think you want isn’t the type of person you need.

I hope you find happiness with someone too, dear roommate. At least, you always have your Celtic women… 馃檪

November 19, 2009 at 11:13pm 路
Aleece Martt

Aleece Martt

wow, you really do need to read some of my stuff some day. its like this, but with a dark twist.
November 19, 2009 at 11:43pm 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

馃檪 Any time.

BTW added to this since I posted it. So no one has to search that read it already here it is:

The time-lines of two people often have to align for you to get the relationship to even begin, it is when those time-lines go out of sync(which WILL happen, because we all have changes, physically, chemically, and mentally as we progress through life) when we really see how it works with the other person. How we work together then is when our “essence of love” truly shines…. See More

When we meet a person, even if it is the FIRST time, or we see a picture of them, or hear their voice on the phone, or understand one of their opinions, I believe, even though I can only speak for myself, we picture them in every situation that defines a family, a life together, coming home to them, how they will be with possible children, waking up next to them, having to sleep next to them every night and not having your OWN bed. I believe this almost primordial instinct is natural and we should not be afraid because of stigmas against it to think about it or even discuss it, but not to lay it out step by step, or think that we are pushing too far into the future with these thoughts, but just consider it part of that first impression, and just take it day by day. It will become more obvious as time goes on, and time is really the only thing that can really shine this brightly. So think it but understand we all have more than just a few thoughts in our head at once, and while these may sound huge, they are just a beginning of a transformation of the mind to looking at the other person as a possible part of your life.

November 20, 2009 at 12:52am 路
Jennifer Smith

Jennifer Smith

… and that was a transcription of our conversation tonight. It is true, though, that the test of love should be whether it holds up when your paths are no longer aligned. As we discussed, my biggest question is whether love that you consciously decide to pursue is as real as instant love. It’s sometimes easier to only count instant love of someone as “real” love, since your instincts give you no choice but to love them.

However, if you make the conscious effort to let yourself love someone (in the absence of instant love), then you only have yourself to blame if it doesn’t work out… because you chose to get involved, rather than letting “Fate” decide for you.

Hmmm… I wonder if our babbling makes sense to people who weren’t part of the conversation. (Does it matter?) LOL… See More

I think I may have to write my own note on the topic sometime soon…

November 20, 2009 at 1:02am 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

I believe working on love as a conscious effort is just as important as “the instant” love, which is truly something I cannot say I know much about. I mean if we can work on bettering ourselves, or even work at a job we love, why can’t we also work on love. Isn’t Love Money Fame and Happiness some of the top things people want? So We work towards all the others, why not love too, it is just as important.
November 20, 2009 at 1:05am 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

But I would say, as with everything else, there is a balance between working toward it and letting it be a part of who you are. I guess until we have that love we want we can only speculate 馃檪 Even then, do we know it will last? 馃檪 It’s all good.
November 20, 2009 at 1:08am 路
Jennifer Smith

Jennifer Smith

However, there are so many fables out there about love at first sight that it’s only natural to want to have it. Are these merely myths? Or, can love at first sight happen? Were these stories designed to make people feel good, but not necessarily provide an accurate description of what could be?

Wouldn’t it be ideal to have love at first sight combined with working on it as you grow together?

November 20, 2009 at 1:09am 路
Jennifer Smith

Jennifer Smith

In my case, I’m just panicking that it may actually work out this time. And, if I “choose” to continue this way of life, it’s a choice, not an instinct based on instant attraction…
November 20, 2009 at 1:10am 路
Jennifer Smith

Jennifer Smith

[We should totally write some sappy column together. lol]
November 20, 2009 at 1:10am 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

Perhaps starting with love leaves you with no choice whether or not you want the love. Like getting the dream job right out of school, you may always wonder what the lesser would be like making the thing infront of you lose value. I think many stories are formed from some truth, so perhaps it happens for some people, and perhaps they also view love… See More as a different entity. We all picture it as something different and i suppose we need to obtain it the way our brain wants it or maybe it will just smack our brain upside the head and tell us how we WILL have it. 馃檪
November 20, 2009 at 1:11am 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

I think our instincts are part of our choices, and if we make a conscious choice to pursue it perhaps that is part of our instincts?
November 20, 2009 at 1:13am 路
Jennifer Smith

Jennifer Smith

That is a good point about the viewpoints on love– these stories probably pre-date the middle ages when you were expected to marry young. Love at first sight often equaled lust at first site as a young teenager…

Sometimes, there’s something to be said about no choices. If you’re told to love someone, it’s just easier to do so than knowing you have a conscious “out.”

November 20, 2009 at 1:14am 路
Kaitlyn Tammy Ho

Kaitlyn Tammy Ho

First of all, what I wouldn’t give to have been a part of that aforementioned conversation, or even a fly on the wall {or a kitty underfoot?}. >^..^<
Secondly, I wanted to say straight off that, Tristan, reading this note rendered me speechless and brought tears to my eyes. I can barely believe that this is not some work of fiction as it is so … See Moreabsolutely candid and so absolutely, poignantly *perfect* that I honestly do not have words to express my initial reaction. This coming from a girl who has read thousands of books regarding love, describing love, dissecting love, etc etc, who was a Ceative Writing and Literature major in her very short {and prematurely curtailed} college career. This Note of yours is one of the most beautifully written things I have read in a very long time, perhaps in my entire life.
Thirdly, my two cents on the subject: I absolutely do believe that what you say is true in that Love, above all things, is something one must work at. In regards to “Instant Love”- that is easily achieved but does require maintenance. To put it in metaphor, I’d say that oftentimes paths will cross, as Fate would have it, and that would be Instant Love; however, in order to keep this instant love, you must apply that conscious effort to pursue… because when paths cross, they will naturally meet at one point, the middle of an X {a cross- those physical, chemical, mental changes}, and then start going the opposite way? This is where the effort to pursue Love comes in… where people will take the time, effort, and energy to pave a new road together. Regardless of where those roads of Fate may lead.

I hope, with all my heart, that you find her. =)

November 20, 2009 at 1:42am 路
Gina Pope Moore

Gina Pope Moore

Going to think about this and digest it before responding in depth, but for now please know that if you guys were to write a column on this topic I’d be one of your most faithful readers. Tristan, there is so much to your thoughtful piece, a lot of solid insight and depth, which to me is an indicator for your future success in crossing paths with, and then combining paths with, a like-minded, compatible, hopefully life-long mate.
Also, I really respect how you unabashedly express yourself.
November 20, 2009 at 7:11am 路
Tim Daniels

Tim Daniels

This is excellently written, and in ways that are beyond my ability to represent feelings. I’ve never experienced or felt love in my life, which is probably one of many reasons I’m so cold.

I view love as being able to let go of everything and invest in someone else with confidence, and for them to reciprocate, and want to, and be glad to. But your words put it better than what I could say.

BTW, Tristan, you know way too many beautiful women.

November 20, 2009 at 7:37am 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

Kaitlyn I love the X description. What a great way to put it. THE X factor!! haha. 馃檪 BTW thanks for the immensely kind words. I am glad you were able to enjoy the note and subsequent conversations that followed.
November 20, 2009 at 11:24am 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

@Amanda
Scariest thing for me is always admitting to myself that I have to humble myself. Even if I do it it is still scary and hard and strains me 馃檪

I often wonder why people think they are stronger on their own. While I myself do feel strong on my own and like doing things myself, I often feel if I were to be able to find the right person to bring into my life and me into theirs I would be stronger not in my own person persay(hate this word but love using it haha) but in the lives of us both in that new me that is part of the two.
See More
I won’t lose who I am, and if I do the relationship is probably not working, or perhaps it worked really well and opened me up to a new way I wanted to go, but the key word is want. Even if you do not act differently with your loved one what you have with them vs what you have with yourself will always be different. Because no one is you BUT you, I always try to give what I can as much as I can of WHO I am so they can better assess a situation in which I may come to them or they come to me or even just KNOWING so they don’t have to do anything, which will bring comfort.

I mean obviously we all have our relationships where the relationship takes over all thoughts, pushes our lives to the side, and we want more than anything to Just think about the relationship itself. But because it is with another person we are allowing into our lives I think we are more judgmental on it than if we got really wrapped up in our jobs that make us money, or a video game that brings us simple pleasures.

I suppose I always question and wait for a legitimate or better yet an answer that rings true to me to answer the idea of “i prefer to be alone” when just like a cat or a small child, we all at the core value of ourselves yearn to be held and yearn to be with the comfort of others, for survival and “love”.

You have summed up a lot of what I think is a stigma for why people “say” they prefer their strength alone. Others opinions or jealousy’s. But what if that person was not clashing in those regards, wouldn’t it allow you to be strong still?

I watched 500 days of Summer and intently waited for the ending because I hoped this author finally had an answer to why people say, “I don’t want a label..” or “I prefer it casual” I wanted to see why this backfires.. and (spoiler) what it turned out to be, was not philosophical but the simple idea of, I date multiple people and those who I don’t think I see IN my life further than tomorrow are just that, casual, and those who might be get more of who I am and a bigger chunk of me. The character split herself between two or more people never really committing fully to one or the other but finally when she decided without the others knowing they existed who she felt fit into HER plan the most, the rest were left heart broken and unable to understand what just went on, because the emotion and love and sex, was just a filler for her to get her shit in order.

I still want to tackle that idea more and definitely want to get more opinions on it to. Anywhoo. There is my response to your note.

November 20, 2009 at 1:17pm 路
Tim Daniels

Tim Daniels

I don’t understand why you’re tagging all these women.
November 20, 2009 at 5:15pm 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

I have talked to them all about subject matter similar to this at one point or another so i thought they would enjoy it 馃檪
November 20, 2009 at 5:16pm 路
Tim Daniels

Tim Daniels

So well-written and well-spoken. Got’cha. 馃槈
November 20, 2009 at 5:17pm 路
Tristan G Pope

Tristan G Pope

I think there is something to be said to being used to city living. jazz clubs, wine, cigarettes, lofts, mood lighting. You end up talking a lot about small things and watching them grow into entire debates. I often re think those conversations at a later date and want to write down the ideas for myself so I can see progression in my head and also … See Moreshare my thoughts clearly with those I spoke to when it may have been more conversational and less structured.

At the same time I also value the opinions of the people I tag.

I mean shiot 4 of these “girls” are my sisters and mother and aunt haha

November 20, 2009 at 5:24pm 路
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