This article is a prime example of the problem with dating in America:

In our lives we are told to work hard for those things we want. Adage and Meme one after another telling us “Success comes to those who fight for what they want, not those who dream” “Dreaming is great, but when you wake up writing that dream down and making it a goal for the day is when we ascend” etc etc.

This applies to our Jobs, our money, our material things. 

My own business model has been refined over and over again so that I can truly achieve success. I have taken my success and failures and grown better and learned from them. I put in a ton of hours, time, and effort to become a better version of myself for my Career path. I have worked hard and it has brought me success.

But when it comes to relationships we are told “Don’t try too hard”.

We hold our failures as scars, not learning experiences, and we project them upon those we meet, causing rifts to form.

What the hell kind of back-assward way of thinking is this? I am like a little kid when I meet someone interesting yelling “Mom Mom mom Mom Mom Mom”, tugging on a shirt, because of the excitement of hearing my mom go, “WHAT!” Not because I am in love with this new person, not because I think this new person is perfect for me, but because I am excited to experience the everyday and learn who they are and see if these first feelings of excitement carry over through our experiences day to day. And why shouldn’t I be excited if I think I met someone who might potentially be a good person to bring into my life romantically? But there is a stigma attached to showing this excitement, even if you are intelligent enough to know that it doesn’t happen all at once.

Step by step. Time is the one crux of all relationships. You cannot skip the time you spend with someone living life together to get to know them. I don’t care how you try, you need to experience life with someone to know if you love someone. That’s why when I hear “I miss you” after a few dates it throws up red flags. No you miss the idea of a relationship, not me. You don’t know me well enough yet. But if we take our time, and experience each individual day, good, bad, or ugly together we will get that experience. Not hiding behind some weird “let me hide my emotions” “let me hide how my day actually went to not sound negative” “let me time out my texts so the other person doesn’t judge my interest”

Just take it day by day, and enjoy one another’s company. And when you get to a point where you are no longer enjoying that company, look at the reason why. If that reason proves to be a dealbreaker, then you end it and move on to explore other options, if it is just an emotional day, you get to grow more with the person next to you.

But this who “Don’t try to hard” mentality is ridiculous. Compounded by the ability to hide behind inflectionless texts and the prospect of the next swipe, we are not even trying at all, let alone “too hard”.

Here is your motivation quote:

“Sometimes the things that are worth it the most in life take the most effort.”

-Scrubs
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