Taken from my blog: http://tristanpope.blogspot.com/
Saturday, July 5, 2008

I will desperately miss the idea that I can walk to the corner store like back in NY or sit in my window sill in my tiny apartment but with a warming homey feeling, watching the cities that never sleep, other than the metro here which closes ridiculously early lol.

While I may not party all the time or even drink for that matter (associative drunk works for me) I love to be in a place that is alive.

It is nice to see everyone who drives a manual here because I refuse to drive everything else. It is almost as if here it seems and a lot so in NYC as well that people are on equal ground pushing for the things they love.

I have gotten to a place I love with my job but now i struggle with the idea that the place I am I feel like I have to argue over my beliefs in the littlest thing such as a comedian from the east coast or for someone to use a turn signal or walk a block.

I miss being able to walk the streets that are lit for a city alive with color and life. I remember the wind blowing in my face from the side of a bridge or the stones lit as i walked home briskly noticing only my steps. I can feel my legs getting accustomed to walking long distances again and walking flights of steps with that joy of knowing my place was on the 4th floor walk up.

It is these little things that make me miss NYC and what I will miss in Paris.

I love to walk the street until I find the food that fits my hunger, no driving 100 miles but finding a small portion of chinese food or japanese or subway or anything really just being all in one area and often being very centric to the area and the people living within the miles of radius. Gormet this and that means nothing to me, I’ll show you a hole in the wall that will deliver authentic italian that will make you never eat anything else again.

I miss picking my outfit for the weather and having a style that changed as i grew in the city I lived.

I remember when I didn’t have to wear sneakers to walk 10 miles, but perhaps a nice pair of kenneth koles.

There is a lot I miss and I hope one day I can find them and embrace them in the place I am now.

I often think once I find someone who is and can be called that significant other it will increase the place I live, but finding them will always be a challenge.

To walk to the Eiffel tower or the Brooklyn bridge and kiss in the street with people walking by thinking nothing of it, but with the eyes of the world upon you is not the same in say a beach front in California where it all closes at 12 and the people are easily put into a category of drunk or wanting to get laid. While I do know that is here and there as well I also know there are people going about their daily lives to get home or to catch a bus or train, and that mixture that full feeling of culture is what I miss.

I will visit NYC again to walk the streets and feel my favorite season of fall again, and hopefully I can find either in Orange county or LA or Hollywood a place and some people which I can feel will push me not in my work life but my emotional life and the life I breath day to day. My breath is very consuming and I hope to inhale the world around me as much as possible.

It would be strange to say it feels like sometimes you have the upper hand in an east coast west coast scenario, but in all reality one on the west coast would probably think the same. It is just strange to see a sliver of that idea that perhaps I am not being challenged by my environment enough. My work pushes me daily and it keeps me very strong in my head, and when I was doing my movies and my life on my own on the east coast I believe the environment pushed me the same. Now it is my turn to find the same in both back in California.

I have ended many things in my life because I didn’t feel a challenge or just that need for growth or just plain old chit chat or stimulation. Perhaps I will be on the outside looking in for a bit longer with my life until i find that place where I can take this puzzle and start placing the center pieces of my life rather than just working with the corners.

Time will tell.

Goodnight.

(it was brought up to me and so I will write, I remember when I first moved out here it seemed my job and my life were supposed to be such a mystery for circumstances no need in explaining, that I hindered some of my ability to truly find what I need right away, but as my head decompresses as it has with this trip, but over 2 and half years now in California, I am reminded and recognize where I need to be looking in order to see again, me, you, the world, a sense of happy. I want to bring back some things that I closed off, some of my personality that was lost, and I think and my grace it will be, these trips always tend to rekindle and remind me. So I move forward again and so we will see.)

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