I stress this: HYPOTHETICAL Situation:
“Meeting a pretty girl”
One thought (you would think this would be multiple, I’ll get to that later) that is pretty common place for me, would be marriage, if my family would like hers, if she is playing hard to get, if so.. should I ask her to be open to the idea of a more European approach and just tell me what’s on her mind about me… Would she then be put off by that because it forces her to think of a place that wasn’t NOW and is more planned. I have an idea that people are on different timelines of life and sometimes because of that, you miss your opportunity to be that person they are interested in because your day felt longer than theirs. I feel that sometimes it is more safe to put in all your effort into a person even if you are not quite sure without saying anything because you never know what may trigger the “moment”. However I get tired of it. I give a lot of myself for people close and important to me, and like school I didn’t like to give my all unless I was invested. So I think it should be ok to ask for that simple, “Yes I would like to see where this goes” as the collateral for that investment. I don’t invest my LOVE so to say in all of the above. I am very interested in seeing the person for them and what they are and how we are together before I would even think of those thoughts more than a passing metaphor.(see below) But even though they seem like common thoughts, they are given too much water and often sink the boat.
To get to the idea of all those thoughts being one:
The metaphor for this would be simple. It isn’t a novel I’m thinking it is like a gentle breeze or a bee flying by your ear. BUZZZZ, freak out, then poof gone.
However everyone around you, because they didn’t see the bee, is thinking you are nuts and freaking out.
It is hard to explain that such thoughts can fly through the mind so quickly and they are not NEEDS, WANTS, they are just inquisitive ideas. Many guys will not admit they think of things that have to do with the future with girls right off the bat, but with our culture and society the way it is today you would think that would be the first thing on everyone’s mind. Being a simplistic creature with a complex environment. The need for a mate and then the need for all the socially acceptable balances to that, probably get thought of more than we think.
What gets me is when it is talked about, the person who talked first has to wait in anticipation to see if that person takes their questions as ultimatums or just as they are, open air conversation that people seem to be squeamish about. I am not saying I want to plan a romantic night or a spontaneous moment, I am saying it is nice to have that feeling that the other side, is reciprocating on the same level as you with what you are thinking or at least is open to the idea.
So I suppose I just open more questions with this, but I often hope someday someone will accept the urges to talk rather than living too much in the mysterious moment that, quite frankly makes for good moments, but not good lasting memories. I would prefer my stories be those of generations and not of, “oh man you remember when we” coffee conversation.
I wonder perhaps it comes with age. Or perhaps it is a specific trait I look for and should not expect it in all places and hold it high on the MY NEEDS list.